in this entry...i will toot my own horn

04/22/2009

so.. i saw jason when i was leaving the dining hall and i was sort of...walking behind him while he was getting food or something.
he didnt see me... so it wasnt awkward that i didnt say hi.

but i was goooing to.. until i saw him go up to some girl and like.. idk it just seemed like he was closer to her than a friend would be hah.

so i just sort of chucked my plates and left.


OK here is the part that might make you guys throw up but i dont even care.
im not really confident at all... but i act like i am in public, because nothing is more annoying than a girl who is like "OMG I LOOK SO FAT TODAY. COMPLIMENT ME BLAH BLAH"

BUT.....i feel like i deserve this and owe it to myself to say why im a great person.

first of all.. im least confident about my looks. i think i have a good personality. but anyway.. the girl i saw jason with...look plain and i feel like i was prettier than her.

so what the fuck is wrong with me??? HMMM???


i am the girl version of him.
maybe im not smart enough though.

its sad because i know he is still friendly, like he talks to me when isee him around and i know he doesnt.. NOT like me... he just doesnt want to hang out anymore i guess...

fuuuuuuckkkkk


im pretty kind of.
i dont have the best body.... at all....but i mean.. i have a big butt.....doesnt that count for anything? i dont think im fat anymore....which is a HUGE step. im at a decent weight. 130 on the dot

anyway...i dont complain
i go along with pretty much anything
i walked in the woods barefoot with him and his friend for an hour in the pouring rain so we could smoke. and didnt complain once.
im pretty logical
i liked when he spoke portuguese to me, becuase it was sexy
i always told him he looked good
i give the best dome...ever. dont question that.
im not a psycho girlfriend
i got along with his friends
i never pressured him about a relationship


hmm what else is good about me..

i honestly think i wasnt smart enough. not even kidding. he knows too much about me skipping most of my classes all the time.
ughhhhHHHHHHH

whatever.


friday...courtney and i are getting a couple 40's and sitting out on the lawn and smokin butttss all day and getting drunk
its supposed to be 75.
i have no classes on fridaysss




oh also, i have nice tits. and even though i sometimes dont believe it, i AM DESIRED BY MANY. so FUCK jason. i can find someone else....that is not completely against SEEING WHERE IT GOES> i dont even want a bf. but i dont completely cut out the option. my god. just see where it fucking goes.


i think when i get a little buzzed this weekend.. not drunk to the extent where im going to embarrass myself.. just when i get a little boozed up enough to have the courage..im going to text him and ask why we stopped hanging out. ill do it in a non threatening way though


guhhhhh im waking up early to go to the gym tomorrow