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LoVeLy.LeSbIaN.
by br!na

next entry: Barely.Living.

I need Immediate advice!!! please help me!

02/26/2010

Hey you guys. I had to create a new diary. the computer crashed right after Christmas. I haven't been able to get onto anything. I used to be on here as BRI. Anyone remember me?

ANYWAYS- I really do need some advice. Okay, so if you remember me, you already know my relationship status, If you don't, I'm a lesbian. My wife and I have been together for almost 4 years.
But here's the problem.....

Right before we got together she was really into this other girl. They weren't actually dating but they might as well have been. when we got together and I found out about her my first instinct was to make her break all contact with her. But Melissa [my wife] just wasn't having that. She said that she wasnt giving up any of her friends. So I tried to become friends with this girl, for Melissa. But it just turned out that this girl was a huge B word to me and was constantly flirting with Melissa. So finally, I just told Melissa It's either her or me. I'm really not that kind of person, but this was something that I felt I had to do.

Melissa chose me and broke all contact with this girl. I found pictures of her in my wifes dresser one day. I asked her to throw them out and she said okay. Last year I was going through my wife's text messages. I was looking for something...trust me. lol I wasn't just checking up on her. Anyways- I found some texts that said they were from one of her old friends that I know. I wanted to see how she was doing since she was recently married and had just had her second baby. So I started reading the texts. Come to find out they were actually from the girl I didn't want Melissa talking to. Melissa had contacted her online, gave the girl her cell number and had saved her number under a false name. when I confronted her on this she laughed and said it was no big deal.

Last week I was going through all of our pictures that we have in old shoe boxes. Some of them have both our pictures, some just have hers. I'm not sure which is which so I was going through all of them. When I got to the bottom of one of her shoe boxes, I found the pictures of that girl that I had asked her to throw out 2 years ago. When confronted, she threw them out.

Just a few minutes ago, I was trying to join this group on yahoo. Now, I do not have a yahoo account. But she does. So I used hers to join this group. [trust me, its for a good reason and the group is for both of us.] Anyways- I had to sign into her account [she gave me her password a long time ago.] And I found this email that she had sent this girl saying that she didn't know why but that she really felt like checking up on her and seeing how she was. Apparently this girl found her on facebook. and she was going on and on about how glad she was that this girl had found her. She did mention me and the fact that we had been together so long. But then started talking about how rocky it had been. And then said that this girl already knew that.

I'm just really upset right now. Actually, I'm crying.
Why would she do this to me?? If she doesn't want to be with me, why would she stick around so long???? 4 years. Thats actually a pretty long time.

I just don't understand why she can't let this girl go. what is it about her?
Someone please help me!! I need advice on what to do. I'm heartbroken!!

next entry: Barely.Living.

0 likes, 14 comments

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I'm so sorry. And I hate to say it, but if she's ignoring your request to break contact with this person, then this woman obviously means more to her than her relationship with you. I don't even know you and I know you don't deserve that.

If it were me, I would sit down with her and let her know exactly how you feel. Try to be calm about it and reiterate that you're not comfortable with her talking to this woman anymore. See where it goes from there.

I would be heartbroken too if I found out my husband was doing something like this. I hope it works out well for you.

[.like.a.drug.|0 likes] [|reply]

Harden your heart before it gets completely shattered and just walk away.

[Humanity's last hope|0 likes] [|reply]

The relevance of things, is, ironically, relative. The fact that she is your everything is relevant. Unless you're placed in a situation where it doesn't mean anything to her, like in this situation. Love should mean to you exactly what it means to its recipient. Nothing more, nothing less. The alternative is enduring months upon months of festering doubt, and your justification will be that she makes you happy. However, the doubt will eat at you until you're unable to enjoy or concentrate on life in general, much less your relationship.

[Humanity's last hope|0 likes] [|reply]

It sounds like she definitely isn't over this chick...as hard as that may be to hear. I think the best thing for you to do is maybe tell her that you need to take a break so that she can find out who she REALLY wants. If she loves you, she will come back to you. I know it's hard but maybe you need to be a bit more assertive about what you want and why. I really, really hope you guys can work things out...I would be just as devastated if I was in your shoes.

[beautiful.nightmareStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Forgive me if I sound bitter or cynical. I married a pedophile. But. If there's one thing experience has taught me, its that the chances of a relationship succeeding after another person has been introduced are somewhere between being struck by lightning and winning a free Dr. Pepper. 1 in 6, my ass.

[Humanity's last hope|0 likes] [|reply]

It's called love. And its a dangerous weapon. If it's reflected back rather than accepted, it can leave some pretty nasty burns. Even if she is willing to eventually sacrifice the other person, you'll always know. It will follow behind every "I Love You", and it'll be carried on that tiny bit of breath transferred during a kiss.
Always in the back of your mind.
Infidelity has no solution other than severance.

[Humanity's last hope|0 likes] [|reply]

No one ever admits it. Unless they're caught red-handed. If you really wanna stay with her, lead her to believe you're having an affair and pray the feeling of dread will force her to abandon her own. But even that's not guaranteed.

[Humanity's last hope|0 likes] [|reply]

it's obvious there are some feelings for this girl. sit down, try to make her talk to you, break through. if it doesn't work the best thing you can do for you and for your relationship is walk away. if she loves you, if she wants YOU, she's going to realize that like a ton of bricks when you're gone. if she doesn't, it gets easier girl

this sounds like a situation i was in, so i told you to do what i wish every day i would have done.

[aly in wonderland|0 likes] [|reply]

They say you never forget your first love. Maybe that's what this person is to her? You're jealous (don't take that offensively, anyone in your position would be) and it wont ever stop bugging you, but just because this person may have been her first love doesn't mean that they are still a threat today. It just means she cant let it go completely, which is actually very common. I can only speak from my own experience and say that I have an ex like that. I have all the pictures, everything he ever gave me... And this was 5 years ago? Maybe more. I'll never get rid of them, and out of the blue, I decided to look him up and add him as a friend on Myspace last year. It doesn't mean anything, and in fact, if he came begging to me tomorrow and asked me to take him back, I'd laugh in his face and walk away. But I'll never get rid of those damned pictures lol

I'm just trying to give you an another perspective, here. Maybe it truly is harmless. But really, as everyone else has said, you should consider all the possibilities. Good luck (:

[Poetic Justice|0 likes] [|reply]

I can understand how afraid you must be to talk to her, but think about it this way: When you love someone, their happiness is almost more important than your own. If she's so unhappy in your relationship that she's keeping things from you, wouldn't you rather know how unhappy she is so that you can try to fix it?

I really do hope things work out for you two.

[.like.a.drug.|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm sorry. I think you need to sit down & talk with her, & possibly just walk away. You already gave her the ultimatum once, & she completely ignored it, more or less. She also broke your trust. Either you leave her, or you start back at step one.

[♥always, jes.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I think it is a good idea to just sit down and talk to her about all these issues you have and hopefully she'll realise this is really hurting you. Just talk it through and hopefull that will give you an indication of where you want to go with the relationship.

[Emerald Lies|0 likes] [|reply]

It sounds like right now she is not ready to give up the friendship she has with this girl. I would see this as the last straw. She is obviously still emotionally connected. I would leave. I know that's hard, but I would leave and get away before you get your heart totally shattered. Leave, become a better person, learn from this experience and be happy elsewhere. There is no trust in your relationship now and it's a hard thing to rebuild. You will always doubt her now

[-AndBabyMakesFour!-Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Lissa





[x_explosive_xStar|0 likes] [|reply]

next entry: Barely.Living.

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