Ugh.

I'm not feeling life at the moment. Trying to stay within my calorie goals is harder then you'd think, and although I do exercise as well, it's just hard. I can't afford a lot of healthy food and whatnot, so we have to go for cheap. And of course, cheap food is worse for you and has more calories. I am seeing a bit of progress, so I do have some motivation to continue with it, but honestly, it is just SO frustrating. Sometimes I just feel so hungry, but can't eat because I'd go over my calorie limit. Or I'd have to workout extra in order to eat it. But then again, I don't want to put my body into starvation mode either. It's just so complicated.

And I'm scared. My mom's mammogram revealed another lump. She has to have a biopsy done on it on Wednesday. She has beaten breast cancer before, so if it is cancerous, I am trying to keep hope that she will beat it again. Of course, the best case scenario is that it is benign like the one they found last year. It's just this waiting game, it absolutely sucks. With my anxiety, I always tend to think about the worst case scenario, and of course that is what I am doing now. I'm trying to stay positive about it, but honestly, it's so damn hard. I'm so scared.

So my best friend Mel and I have been going to the gym a few times a week. We are thinking about doing the Dempsey Challenge next month. (And yes, that's Patrick Dempsey.) It's basically a 5 or 10k walk/run for cancer research. There is no way I could ever run the thing, but I'm pretty sure if I keep going to the gym I could walk it. Of course I'm worried that everyone else will be running and I'll feel like an idiot. That's probably just me being stupid though, right? I really hate having this anxiety crap, it makes everything so much more difficult. I really do want to do it though. I wonder if I can find anyone who will donate towards it? Not many people I know have the extra money to spare....but even if a bunch of people donated just 5 dollars, it would all add up!

Not sure what else to update on. I'm really tired as I didn't get much sleep last night, and I want nothing more then a nap at the moment. But a) it's too late for a nap, and if I took one now I probably wouldn't sleep well tonight either and b) Mel and I are supposed to go to the gym in like an hour. Guess it's time for some caffeine and then to get ready!