I'm back and ready to write!

I've been needing to vent, to have a safe outlet to vent so I'm not driving my family crazy with my complaining. I need to complain tho, a little anyways. 

I'm hurting so bad and going through something no one around here can understand.

I started the interferon 'cure' for my liver disease. (Hepatitis C Virus I've had for 14 years. Unfortunetly since I am considered 'low-income' I can't get the newer, better medication covered and instead have to use the old, archaic cure instead. 24 weeks of daily pills x5 and weekly injections leave me feeling worse than ever. My body aches right down to my bones, mostly my femurs and hips but pretty much everywhere. My hair is thinning and may disappear completely but will grow back in May once I stop taking the treatment. 

It makes me emotional, overly so and so WEAK. like it is a feat just to stand on my own two feet. 

But being the mom that I am, always the caretaker, I am still too busy taking care of the kids, (trying to take care of the house and failing) and still trying to keep the spouse happy and satisfied. Its exhausting. I just want to curl up under my blanket and never come out.

I'm so ready for someone to take care of me for once. 

On top of that, the treatment lowers my immune system so I am supposed to be trying to stay germ-free. Ha! what a joke that is when you have kids that are school aged. I've already got an infection brewing in my chest, and am 4 weeks overdue for seeing the family dr, the specialist and missed 4 weeks of blood tests. We've been snowed in though and with me being sick and my foot finally crippling up on me, walking to the drs is just not happening.

I feel like I'm failing at this. It really does hurt so bad to put pressure on my bad foot though and I don't have my drivers license yet so walking is all I have. A couple more days and I'll have cab money I can use at least.

Sorry for all the whining and bitching but I needed to get it out. 

I'm happy to be starting a new year. Sad for the friends who will not be joining me. 

This has been a shit year in the way of death. With the opiate crisis fully raging through our province there is deaths every day. I am so grateful I got out of that life when I did or I could be laying in a pine box alongside them. Its heartbreaking to see the people and kids they have left behind. 

One of my oldest buddies was the last to go. Just 2 weeks ago. I wanted to travel back home for his funeral but with this infection Ive got brewing I knew it wasn't smart to travel the 6 hrs away. It makes me so sad that I didn't get to see him off. It was just a year ago that we last seen each other at another friend of ours funeral. I'm tired of funerals and saying goodbye. seriously. 

I have a ton more to say but need to take a break. I'll be back. Hopefully I'll be better able to articulate my thoughts when I return.

Much love to you all.

I've missed this place.