So I took him to the airport yesterday morning to leave for Iraq, and I am not going to lie. I have not been doing so great. We spent the weekend doing all kinds of things - played yahtzee and monopoly, went to the movies a few times. Saturday night we ordered the UFC fight and stayed home finishing up different things that needed to be done before he left Sunday morning. And then Saturday night we stayed up as late as I could make it which was like after 1 or 2am I think. Which for this pregnant girl is way late considering I have been out by like 9 on most nights.
He woke me up Sunday morning after he was all packed and ready to go crying. I got up, pulled my hair back and put my flip flops on. I was good. Til we got in the car. As soon as we started pulling away from the house I broke down which made him cry again too. So I told myself I couldn't cry, he was driving it wasn't safe for him to cry. So I had a really hard time doing it and caused the biggest migraine of my life but I succeeded in my attempt. The car ride there was pretty quiet because every time anything was said I would start to cry again so I just shut up.
When we pulled into the temporary parking at the terminal we just sat in the car for a minute not really sure what to do. Finally we got out and pulled his things from the trunk and then the tears came again. We both cried for a minute. Said our goodbyes and sent him on his way. The longer we stood there the harder it was going to be. I did pretty good that morning. I cried for a minute til I got to the interstate but then I was good. I cried for a few minutes when I got home to my empty house then I didn't cry til later in the evening when we were on skype together.
I have known for a long time now I wouldn't last much longer at my job. The way they refused to give me insurance then pulled my full time hours so they didn't have to, they promised me three days off when I was hired on for when he left and now will not give them to me, crap like that and it has gotten to the point of ridiculous. The way she treated me when I was ready to walk out the door on Josh and then a few weeks ago when we found out I was pregnant. She really has no idea how to handle people and where the line is between her business and not.
Well obviously I knew last night I didn't want to go in today. But I got so stressed over everything after getting off the computer with Josh as he was leaving for Germany that I had the first panic attack of my life. I couldn't breathe nothing, it was scary and I have never had one before. I think that is when I knew that I was done with work. I have to cut stress and I can't cut him being in Iraw although I wish I could, I cannot cut the pregnancy and being alone, things like that so it was the first and only thing that could go. I wrote my official resignation letter and sent it in to them. Told them medically its going to be in my benefit to go stay with family for a while. If I am to the point of stressed out over them and everything I am having panic attacks I am risking the pregnancy with my history of miscarriage and it is not worth it to me. So I am sure things are lovely happy there today.
Otherwise I made it through my first night. Still have the pounding migraine, morning sickness is killing me, and I don't eat enough I know that. I am so nauseous all the time that the thought of eating makes me sick. So I think I am going to ask for something when I go in for my second ultrasound on Thursday, I am not eating enough for one baby let alone if I have more in there.
I am out for now. Going to set the laptop up downstairs so I can do some housework and babysit the dog I guess that way I can hear if he skypes.
DazzlingDisorder;CSS |
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Stay strong, hon. 