♥ I'm not supposed to freak out?

04/30/2010

Is it just me or does some days it feel like the rain of crap is just never ending?

I got a random phone call today and just by looking at the caller ID I had no idea who it was, just that it was an on base phone number. I answered and they said it was the women's health clinic and for some reason I still didn't think anything until she told me she was calling about my pap. I know well enough to know a pap is a routine test and they never call if it is normal. I get one every year, that is general knowledge.

Apparently my pap came back abnormal and so they sent it off for a second test which came back positive. I have HPV. So I guess the plan is now in two weeks I go in for a pregnancy test to make sure I am not pregnant and then the following day they will do a Colposcopy. That will determine whether or not they do a biopsy to determine if the cells are cancerous or not.

I realize that this is pretty common but I don't think it makes it any less scary. Josh was at work when I got the call and all I wanted was him home. I couldn't figure out how to say it to him though. Not because it can be pre cancerous but because even though since my mom and great grandma had it I was more inclined to get it but it is also an STD. How do you tell your husband you have an STD whether or not it was from years ago.

Two weeks til my appointment. What am I going to do for two weeks but sit around and dwell. I keep thinking about how often we talk about having another baby and planning for it. If this is anything but good news it could change all those plans. If it is cancer it could be as far as having to have a hysterectomy, if it is just precancerous we would have to kinda speed those plans up in fear of it turning into cancer and not having time to have anymore kids. I don't even know what to think and it will be 3-4 weeks before I know ANYTHING.

I cried when he got home. The lady on the phone told me most women freak out when they get the phone call and told me not to just yet. I told him what it was and I cried. I don't care how common it is, if it can turn into cancer it is scary. It hopefully will go away though although that isn't as common either. He told me it's okay he still loves me but I just felt gross telling him I had something that is most commonly an STD you know? And I can't be mad if I did get it that way because whoever I got it from could have never even known to tell me they had it. There is no test for a male to diagnose it.

I dunno. I guess I am going to go research some more and watch the season finale of LA Ink. Tomorrow we have an appointment to fix the crack in our windshield and we might stop by the school after we run some errands. We will see how I feel.

DazzlingDisorder;CSS