Does it ever end? | 05/11/2012 |
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strike here
Well as fast as my luck was turning around it left me again. I have zero money so if I go to this Cedar Point trip I will pretty much be broke and Josh is mad at me because he can't go see his dad in June. Josh's dad lives in California and he doesn't think we can afford this trip for a week. But that is not the case at all we are able to go, but a trip to Cedar Point isn't nearly as expensive as a trip to California. I have had nothing to look forward to in my life for the past 7 months and this trip was my excitement and my hope that maybe my life will be okay. I don't ask to have the suicidal thoughts I do have, but they seem to come around when I have nothing to keep my hopes up. Why can't he just understand that this was my chance on looking on the bright side of life. And now I feel empty again. With nothing to look forward to.
I have not forgotten about his trip to see his father, but I don't understand why he wants me to go with him. We could both save up enough money for him to go. I would love to go visit and meet that side of his family but there's not much I can do. I only work at Wal-Mart for Heavens sake. I just was looking forward to a little get away, but fuck we can't even get along for one day. Nobody ever wants to listen to my voice or opinion or notice the fact that I am completely miserable. My life has been so bleak when my mother left, when I moved out on my own, and it doesn't help that my hair is falling out either. I just want to be happy but it's hard when nobody lets me talk to them, instead they get defense and mad and won't let me get a word in edge wise.
Does it ever stop?
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