Note: I posted these on Myspace first so they weren't back to back like these are. I actually had time between entries to mellow out lol.
I've mellowed out, had a good cry and got my confidence back. I know I shouldn't let myself get upset about things going on. I know inside that he cares. I just have to stop caring so much, I need to go with the flow. I just don't feel right hanging out with the guys I know as friends without him, so pretty much I've been staying home. Jennifer and Joanie have been hanging out a lot but they've been drinking more and more lately and I can't drink. I've pretty much decided I don't want to drink even if I could and I don't want Austin around that shit and drama that surrounds them when they drink. I'm slowly feeling like I have no one to hang out with again, the friends I had that were pretty cool are now all drinking and causing amazing amounts of drama. So I'm staying low key, staying away from them, and its killing me not being with my friends. Nice, normal, drama free friends are what I need. Everyone supposed to come over Friday but I'm almost dreading it. Not because of the drama, I know there won't be any, they know better then to bring it here. The one day I get to see Mike all my friends will be here. Which is great ya know but damn...I'm not getting into that again I'll just end up crying. I've got my period so you know I'm extra needy, and just want someone to be here with me. Oh well, thats life and it FUCKING SUCKS!
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