Day Four: Seven things you think about often plus quick update

05/15/2011

--- Day Seven ---

Day Four: Seven things you think about often.

1. Am I ever going to get through college?

2. Its hard being a single mom.

3. I love my son.

4. How am I going to make money stretch.

5. I hate being alone.

6. Why am I so nice to people that hurt me?

7. I hate my job.

I've been doing fine. Pretty much alone but doing ok with that mostly. I've just been surrounding myself with cleaning tasks. Its been raining like crazy around here and its awful. Its great for my flowers they are getting so tall but its not so great for a newly planted garden that's going to get washed away. I'm hoping it stops raining so I can mow tomorrow. I wanted to do it today but here it is raining again. By the time it stops raining I'll have a hay field for a yard lol. My neighbor mows her's so short its like she's trying to kill it so if she mows it I have to mow the next day or it drives me nuts.

I could've killed Amber last night. I went to hang out with my friend Mike. We dated a while ago and he's still madly in love with me but I'm not feeling it. I just can't make myself want someone ya know. So when Austin's dad called to ask if Austin normally just starts crying and saying he's sorry and that she's all gone. That's not totally normal, he doesn't that when we leave somewhere or when he hurts someone but never just randomly while sitting on the floor. He just wanted his mommy I figured. So I was like meet me at Walmart cause i'm just down the road at Mike's and I'll talk to him. I already near in my heart he was going home with me. I could tell he just wanted mommy. Ken his dad said he didn't stop crying until they told him they were coming to see me. Then when they didn't follow the normal route they take to my house he freaked out until his dad told him I was at walmart. So when they got there he was all hugs, I never could understand what was wrong even though he was trying to tell me. So I said are you going bye bye with daddy and he said yes. Well then I said alright bye Austin and he looked at Ken and was like bye bye daddy bye bye jennifer. I was like no mommy's going bye bye. And he was like oh no, daddy bye bye. So yeah I knew I was getting him back. He said his ear hurt but then when we got home he said nothing hurt. Well on the ride home its like 30 minutes Amber calls. I'm on the interstate at exit 70 she calls to tell me she's half drunk and half high and they told her at work that she was working in the afternoon today but then called to say that they had to switch the shifts back and she had to be there at 6:30am and then her mom had told her she needed to get her butt home. So instead of trying to sober up she left where she was and started driving the 30 minutes home. I could've killed her. I tried to get her to pull over but she's like I'm in so much trouble I have to get home. So I musta passed her the first time but we were talking and I finally pinpointed where she was at so I could get behind her. I followed her to Hardees where she insisted on stopping to get something to eat and drink and hope to sober up a little before going home. I left her there with David and drove home. I had Austin and I'm very low on gas. I've got enough gas to get to work tomorrow and to the store to cash my check. That's it. I used up 20 miles extra worth of gas following her where I did. I love her as a friend but she makes the stupidest decisions. She called me to tell me she made it home. I'm glad she did but it still pisses me off.