It snowed most of the night so we were pretty dead at work. Which made it boring but since people decided they didn't want to work tonight it wasn't so bad on payroll. One girl I sent home because she almost wrecked after the last storm and I know she's really skittish. Of course Frankie stayed, he always stays for me. Its one of the benefits of having such a loyal friend, he'll stick by my side until its time to go home. It was kind of a sad day in my mind, the guy that I liked and have been talking to went and got a girlfriend. My ex had threatened him 2 weeks ago, so he got skittish but he kept calling and stuff. So when he told me tonight what was going on I asked why he started calling me again. And his reply was that the sex was good and it was the best blow job he'd ever had and he was hoping to get in on some more of that before he started dating this girl but I kept pushing him off because I was busy with school. He said the sex was worth it but there was too much drama and my son is too much baggage. I didn't even reply to what he said. He sent me a few messages after saying that what he said wasn't meant to be so harsh. That he didn't mean it how it sounded. Then he asked if I was still there and I didn't answer so then the last message was well the fuck you too. I don't have anything to say. Did he think I was just going to be like sure lets fuck again. No I'm sorry. That was a big mistake. I hate people sometimes. I hate how cruel they can be. I also hate that I'm so weak that I let it affect me. I cried, went into the bathroom and just cried my eyes out. I kept telling everything I just had a headache, which i did, but Frankie isn't stupid. What he is though is ignorant of woman at times. He forgets that I'm not one of the guys, so he started ribbing me until I told him. So then for like 3 minutes he felt bad, and then to lift my spirits he started making fun of things I was doing. Which made it worse, so we were fighting when we left.
I guess what gets me is that I'm just good enough for sex and that's it. Nothing else. And when I say I want more then sex when we start out, they are all about dating until they finally get what they want. Then all they ever want to do it hook up for sex, fuck going out together. Then I start to feel cheap and unappreciated which leads to breaking up or fighting and then breaking up. I'm not trying to hard, I'm meeting assholes. I don't understand why guys are dating girls who treat them like dirt. So what that they are gorgeous, there isn't anything more then that you know. I have ex's coming back saying they wish they had stuck around, one wants to get back together now. But I wasn't worth it then, why am I worth it now? Cause the sex is good, the blow jobs are awesome...but that's all you want. You only say you want to get back together because I don't want to have a meaningless sex fling. You also no I have an awful time saying no to sex. But its going to be different now. I've got my feelings hurt and felt cheap for the last time. I'm going to hold off on new guys for a while. I know I've said this before but this time I'm hurt. Bad. My son is not baggage. My son being autistic isn't something I can change. He's how he is for whatever reason God made him, he's an awesome kid, don't say that shit about my son. Stupid fuckers. I'm angry, inside and out. It kind of radiates off of me and I can't get rid of it. I feel like I'm being laughed at and made fun of because I'm not a barbie doll. Who wants a Barbie??? I'm fat so what. I'm not a fashion model, who gives a shit? I'm the sweetest person you'll ever meet and when its over and you're gone and you realize just how things could have been, I won't be here waiting. While you were out looking for someone like me only prettier, I was out looking for someone like you with a bigger dick.
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