If misery loves company then why do I just want to be left completely alone

08/30/2010

Depressed....its been a while since I've been this low. The only thing keeping me standing up is sheer determination not to fall over. I need to keep up with my school work and I need to keep going to work without missing a day. I'm sick. The nausea is driving me nuts. I want to puke so bad, I want to disappear and not come back even worse. Cliff had gotten into an argument with the land lady, she cussed him out and he cussed her back. So being the crazy psycho bitch she is she went and swore out a warrant on him claiming he told her he was going to fuck her and get into her place when she wasn't there. Which wasn't what happened at all!! But he was drinking so things got blown totally out of control. So he stayed in jail for 2 days before I went and got him out. The problem is that he can't stay here now. So I'm pretty much stuck. I'm miserable without him around, even though we weren't together. Anytime we're apart like this I start to get sick like I am now. Austin misses him like crazy and it isn't fair for him to have to deal with this. My mom just keeps telling me to walk away from him. I guess part of me was wishing I had something to cling too. Well the land lady and her husband have been making me miserable. They kept saying Austin and I could stay, that there wouldn't be any problems. But they are driving me nuts, showing up here everyday trying to question what I'm doing all the time. A friend of mine came over the other day to mow the lawn for me and they grilled him. I finally had to tell them to mind their own business. So they legally have no way to get me out of this place, but they are doing what they can. He told me yesterday that it might be best for all of us if I just found some other place to live. I'm starting to think maybe he's right. Considering taking the rent from here and just sticking it somewhere else. That way I can move. I don't know, guess we'll see. I'm going to lay down, I'm feeling majorly depressed and don't even feel like writing anymore.