I'm 10%sugar, 10%spice, 80%bitch so you better be nice!!

06/23/2009

Current mood: bitchy

How can I forget you when you're always on my mind? How can I not want you when you're all I want inside? How can I let you go when I can't see us apart? How can I not love you when you control my heart?


Its sad when I relate to bumperstickers. When that I'm thinking is posted somewhere, but I couldn't put it into words. Its so weird. I was reading a book and I wish I could remember which one it was...but the concept that a guy using a girl for sex....the girl is letting him masturbate himself inside her...made me laugh. Cause isn't that pretty much what it is if she doesn't get anything out of it. But thats not really what's bothering me. Something has been on my mind since yesterday, a comment someone said to me that made me what to puke or kill them. Wasn't sure at the time.

I am no where near perfect...I'm self conscious, loud and clumsy...I fall to easily, don't trust enough, and constantly question life...but that's ok....because that's just who I am...deal with it.

I'm not going to change. I'm always going to be who I am. BBW...stands for big beautiful woman. Dating me or someone like me isn't lowering your standards, its not dating them because you don't think you can get anyone better. That's the most shallow self absorbed statement I've ever heard and I can't stand that. I get the urge to commit homicide then someone has majorly fucked up. How can a guy say that to someone, its cruel. So I'm here to say that I won't put up with it. I haven't done anything to deserve being treated like a dog and I won't let anyone talk to me like that. You're just not worth anyone's time. You think being with me is lowering your standards? Damn I hate to be the one to break it to you but Angelina Jolie wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Cause thats about the only way you're gonna get someone better then me. And she's not even better then me, she's just SKINNIER which is apparently what you want. The funny part about all of this, is when I started talking to you, you knew me. You spent a lot of time talking to me at work and yet you act like you didn't know I wasn't skinny. Seeing me everyday didn't clue you in?? So now you're telling me you had to lower your standards to be with me, I've seen your new girl, you brought her in a day you knew I was going to be there so you could walk her in front of me. I wasn't impressed. So what she's skinny, what does that have to do with anything?? She's not prettier then me, she's not smarter then me...and guess what she's not going to care about you, and she's gonna expect you to worship her because she's pretty. That's all she has. It makes me so mad to have treated you as well as I did. I hope you one day regret what you said, I hope Karma bites you in the ass....cause if anyone deserves it thats you.

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences and mistakes and yet still sees the best in you!

So essentially I want someone to treat me the same way I treat them. I spend so much time making sure everyone else is happy to cover up the fact that I'm lonely as hell. I've been the cheerleader for so many other people, I keep them going, give them a reason to smile but rarely does anyone say anything to me. How I can make it no matter what, how I'm worth more then that. I was told one day that I'm so strong, so calm in a storm, so independent that I didn't need the praise everyone else does to keep going. Its not true, I have to hold myself up, because there isn't another person like me to do it for me. I'm having issues, I want someone to love me for me, to give me a chance for who I am and not who they think they can mold me into. My dreams aren't stupid or useless. I hate ppl who judge others, its not fair. So what I'm fat...I like who I am...so who gives a shit what you want. You're just all to concerned about what others will think...GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!!