I have so many things on my mind, so many questions I want to ask but yet I still keep my mouth shut. Why is that? What is it about me that I am so afraid of people's reactions that I would rather bite my tongue then satisfy my curiosity? So let's see where we should start. Sunday started out really good. We had a great time, I made Easter baskets for Austin, my mom and Mike. I'm sorry for anyone who doesn't like Easter but I love it and we had a great time. Some people are so negative no matter what the situation. I made Shepard's pie, crescent rolls, glazed carrots and cream corn. It was all so yummy. Then for dessert I had made a pan of brownies, Mike absolutely loves these brownies and they just come from a box but they aren't a cheap box ya know. So then I warmed up the brownies and put some ice cream and hot fudge on them, they were like super fucking delicious. So then we decided to play Life Twists and Turns, which is the electronic version. I had to put Austin down for a nap because he just wants to play but he ends up making a mess of everything. So mom, Mike and I played 2 games of Life and we had a blast. Austin woke up near the end of the 2nd game so we did have to juggle him for a little while. When he wants something its hard to distract him. So after that mom went home and I was laying on my bed tickling Austin. Mike came in and laid behind me, rubbed against me and then he was touching and teasing me. Then he asked who was taking Austin that night and I said no one. And he's like well then we're not doing this. And I just wanted to scream. But I just said I can't send him to a sitter everytime. And he's like I know but you know I don't like to do it when he's here. Like we're doing it in front of him or something, which we aren't. So I did get annoyed, don't expect me to ship my kid off all the time and don't tease me unless you plan on coming through ya know. So I did get up and take Austin into the living room. I sat down at the computer desk to work on my math test and Mike sat down to watch tv. I think I worked on my test for 5 minutes and then curled up with him on the couch. I can't stay mad ya know. But after a while I could feel him start to tense up, which usually means he's steeling himself against my reaction to him leaving when its still early. He started talking about something that had to do with being in jail and I was like you're not in jail anymore. And he says something about no matter how long you're out its hard to deal with. And that's fine I get that. But then I was like when are you going to trust that I'm not going anywhere, and he's like I don't trust easy. By this time I'm having a hard time not crying, cause I'm hurt. After all this you'd think he'd trust me a little. I was like you know what's messed up and he's like what. And I said that I've trusted him from the beginning and I trust him completely which is totally true. He just left, he said he loved me and I said it back but inside I was hurting. I waited until he had walked out before just letting go and crying. I watched him from the window drive off, he took off like he was running from something. And then instead of calling to say he was sorry he sent me a myspace message. I do love him, I really totally do. And I believe he loves me but I also feel like its going to come down to having to trust me or having to walk away, and I don't want to know what would happen. There is something he's hiding but he keeps saying he's just not ready to talk about it yet. Which I guess I can understand. There's also his total aversion to the song God Bless the Broken Road (or whatever the actual title is) sung by Rascal Flatts. I love the song but he won't really tell me why he doesn't like it. I'm not ready to ask. So I went to school Monday and my car overheated. So I went to my first class since it was still early but after we got out of class I called him and asked him to come check it out. Turned out my fan wasn't working. So I finished class and then with the directions he gave me I drove out to his place. He lives with his grandma who raised him. So as soon as I get there I'm attacked by chickens. Ok so not really attacked, they were just curious and came to check me out. They belong to the neighbor along with the goats that were fenced in. I love animals. Just as I was getting ready to walk up the deck he calls and asks where I'm at and I'm like I'm outside lol. So he comes out in his coveralls (he looked really sexy) and he worked on my car while I talked to the chickens. I got to see the baby chickens and the baby duck.
I started this entry 2 days ago but for one reason or another I haven't been able to finish it.
So after seeing the babies I had him take me inside cause it was like really cold. I sat at the table with his grandma and she totally made me eat cheesecake and then showed me around the house a little. Its a really nice house. Then I realized that they call him Joe or Michael Joe which I think is so cute. His middle name is Joseph. I'm not sure why I think its so cute, I just do. So then I worked on fixing his jacked up laptop while he worked on my jacked up car lol. We did have sex which we didn't have to do cause it was nice just being with him. I nearly fell asleep on the way home.
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