I actually have a lot of stuff to do today. On top of shopping and cleaning, I have to go out to see Josh. Why am I hesitant? Because I'm not leveled out. I know what he said about trying today to be attentive because he knows I'm out of it but lately he's just been worried about himself. Which I do understand to an extent. My point though is that I don't want to get upset with him about anything. I want to just go and be normal. Wtf is wrong with me? Its going to be another back and forth day inside my head. I'm all fucked up.