I need to stop thinking about him. I'm going to get hurt. Its just eating at me that I'm setting myself up for disaster. I've started to pull back, its like something in my heart is yelling retreat. I don't think if someone is into me that I should give them a reason to visit, that there should be any kind of convincing that I have to do. That so bothered me. Maybe I'm being petty and stupid, maybe I took what he said wrong. I've wanted to go see him a few nights but its like he waits til the last minute and then I can't do anything. I don't want just sex. I can't handle just sex right now in my life. He knows this. He says he's different. I know he's worried about his mom. I feel for him on that one, I really do. But I feel like he won't let me inside, he won't let me see him as anything but a really funny guy who has great ideas about sex. I honestly feel very stupid, why am I chasing a guy? I need to just sit back and let someone chase me. I've pulled back though on the Chris thing, I'm probably being a pain in his ass, so I'll just give him space and if he comes around he does, if not then he loses out on everything that I can be. I can be sweet and loving and caring to someone who I like. I just don't know.
On a different note school's going pretty good. We got some snow here and I'm already ready for it to go away. I'm not enjoying the cold. I'm sure things will be a lot better once spring gets here. I miss taking Austin to the park, he loves the park ya know. I just miss enjoying being outside ya know. Right now every time I think about going out I dread it. One of these days my nipples are just gonna freeze to my nipple rings. I really don't think I'm going to enjoy that.
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