I know I'm up mad early writing a blog. I was supposed to be up at 5am to take Ken to work before I went to school but he's sick (icky tummy) so I called him out of work and should be snoozing in my bed thinking of wonderful dreamy thoughts but I'm not. I couldn't sleep. Thoughts of last night, and things I was thinking and trying to figure out yet again clouded my brain. Sucky huh. I'm not gonna really explain whats going on, cause really its something I need to figure out and then take it to where it needs to be ya know. Essentially I know whats bugging me, emotionless and mindless sex. Now I'm not a whore, I don't sleep with everyone that crosses my path. I keep a fuck buddy and go from there. But how long can you have that detachment before it gets to be too much. At this moment I'm not even really interested in said fuck buddy. He's not what I want right now, so it makes it slightly difficult when he's coming over and I'm texting things like I changed my mind, I'm not really feeling it right now. The thing is liking a guy, I mean really liking a guy for something besides sex. Thats where I'm at, I'm stuck with all these unfamiliar emotions thinking I might actually like this other guy for real. Not for my own personal boy toy. The confusion and craziness I haven't felt since I was a teenager I am now feeling again. So now I'm just baffled because it doesn't make sense, I don't like it and I'm really confused. I wish I knew what to do. |
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