--- New stuff...maybe ---
Let's see where to start...well I'll do sections maybe that'll help me focus since I'm scattered but I really do need to write
School-is going great, I'm actually getting my homework in on time since I have the time to do it. I had a test in intermediate accounting today that was open book so I think I did pretty well. I have a test on Tuesday in Cost accounting, wish me luck on that one...eek. Health class is going well, its making me think about different aspects of my life, not sure how well i like that but its something we all have to face at one time or another. The art history class has been going good, I've learned a few things but mostly its boring stuff lol. That's about it except for a little rant. So when you're taking an online class and they assign a group research project its a bitch to get in contact with the other members because we've all got hectic lives. So our topic decision is due on the 15th and no one can get online at the same time to discuss it so we can figure this shit out. Its the most aggravating assignment I have to do. I'd much rather do a paper all by myself, at least I answer myself when I have a question.
Work-it sucks. Its getting cooler weather wise, everyone is back in school so night shift is slowing down. That means that we'll start cutting hours soon and that sucks ass. I'm only working 30 hours as it is to make time for school so if he cuts me I'm screwed. Now normally he doesn't cut me, normally he cuts the regular employees instead of the managers but if it comes down to it I know I can't afford to lose anymore time. Things aren't ever gonna change there, the closer to winter we get the more work I'm going to have to do cause the other managers won't send people home early to save payroll except for me and David. Kendall will do it but he's not back until sometime in October, I really can't wait for him to come back.
Austin-He's doing really good I guess. School wise he seems to be doing great, he's getting smarter and smarter. Lately though even with his medicine he's been very aggressive and angry. I've been trying different techniques to calm him down, he just can't have everything he wants. His soccer practice was cancelled two times last week because of the rain, then it was scheduled for tonight. My mom had to take him cause I had to work and that really didn't go as well as you'd think it would. He did try for a little while but then mom said he saw a little girl playing on the playground and wanted to do that instead. The coach said that's normal for their age range but then mom said he told her he didn't want to play soccer anymore. They have their first game on Sunday, I don't know how that's going to go. I'm going to take him though and then he has another practice on Tuesday. I'm going to keep taking him until either he starts playing or he becomes an issue with the other kids. I paid for it, he needs the exercise, all I can do is pray he likes it after the first few times.
Cliff-Things are fine there. Just day to day. Told him he needs to get a job like asap cause the bills are piling up and I'm not making enough to cover everything. He's trying, went for an interview the other day, seems like he goes to a lot of interviews but nothing ever comes of it, even when he calls to check in. I also told him if he can't stop smoking weed long enough to get a job and doesn't get a job if offered because he can't pass the drug test then he's out on his own and I'm not joking this time. Its extremely expensive trying to take care of 3 people on one paycheck. Other then that we're getting along fine.
Other stuff-Maybe this sounds weird, but sometimes I can feel what other people feel. When someone is sad I feel sad when someone is hurt I feel hurt. I drove by an accident site today that happened the other day, tractor trailer went down an embankment and the driver wasn't wearing his seat belt and got thrown, he didn't make it. As I was driving by in my head I asked God to be with his family and got the craziest cold chill ever, I just couldn't shake it. That happens a lot though, whenever I'm asking for help or around someone that is having a lot of issues, I get that massive cold chill and it just won't go away. It did freak me out today cause it wasn't cold out but it wouldn't go away.
Mentally and emotionally I've been off. I haven't been on my bi-polar meds for a while because I can't afford them so lately I've been massively down, I had like 2 days of bouncing off the walls and then bam you can't drag me out of bed with a tow truck. I've been here and done that many times, this isn't new to me but what is new is this massive desire to eat everything. I went through a really hard time for a while a few years ago where I was constantly eating everything and just throwing it back up until one day I couldn't throw up anymore, the reflex to make myself do it wouldn't work. The therapist I was going to helped me with that a lot and for a long time I was doing ok. I'm not sure what triggered it, can't even pinpoint it but I started eating everything around me, just constantly having to eat something and then feeling massively depressed and guilty wishing I could throw it all back up, I've been resisting the urge, I don't even know if I could do it if i tried but I'm determined not to do it. I need to do something, I need to stop eating everything but its like if I don't that's all I think about. I'm addicted to food I guess. I don't really know. I need to lose weight, I have to. I'm not healthy, I know I'm not and working fast food just adds to my ability to eat food that is horrible for me. Weightwatchers works but at the same time it doesn't work. I need to get active but I don't stick to it. I need someone on my ass 24/7 helping me lose weight. Cliff just says he loves me no matter what. He's put on a lot of weight too and I think he figures if I have to lose weight so does he so he's just telling me he loves me no matter what. I feel miserable, I have no energy and I over all just feel gross about myself. Not really sure what else to say about that. Well I worked all night so I'm wore out, hope all my faves are doing well. Good night.
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