oh aoife
if this wasn't so weird-
so wrong-
i could sit down with you
and tell you this-
all this
we could talk about it
and there would be a way
an easy button to press
and...
what?
what could happen?
there is no way around this.
either things stay as they are
and i am subsumed
into a life too old
too fucking dull-
you know there is a double responsibility here
my mum...
yes, you know that-
and i with her,
as if we have adopted you almost
(of course you demand nothing,
of course,
but she gives,
and so i,
as part of her,
am part of it).
when we were kids
it was different
somehow-
but it's changed.
i need to
move on.
i hate this.
there is no way.
there is niamh.
always.
is it possible to love someone
and yet know they are a weight-
a burden-
resent this,
resent them,
not for who they are
but what they are,
what they represent,
is this possible?
is it right?
is it possible to be any other way?
there is no way.
not with niamh.
she is
(and i know this makes me hateful hateful hateful)
in the way.
and this
is why i can't
ever
talk to you about this.
oh aoife.
i'm sorry.
but not sorry enough. |
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