sometimes...
i want to be free
and mad and silly and wasteful
and not have to care
i want, secretly want
to go to the parties we disdain,
get wasted, once in a while,
stay up all night,
puke the next morning
yes, i know
of course i know
before you say it
i know
but still i do
fuck
i love you and yet hate you
is this how friendship works
eventually
as we grow out of each other?
i've grown
i don't fit
the constraints you bring
and then i hate myself
because
it's not your fault
and you are everything worthy
noble, strong
what is to hate?
and strangely
no one even knows but me
somehow you hide it
this worthiness
not even that
you shrug it off
wear it lightly
but it falls heavy on me
the one who sees it
and is constrained
fuck
what now? |