Ummmmm.....A lot has happened since my last entry..So we will go in order.
1. The abortion. It went OK. I was 13 weeks and 2 days, the women were sweet and understanding. Just so anyone thinking about getting an abortion and your far enough along that it will be a D&C, IT IS A SURGICAL PROCEDURE. To explain further, They give you a medication to soften your cervix which will cause cramping and spotting (for me it intensified into labor pains but the other girl who I spoke to who took the med didn't get any cramps) then they put up on a table with stir-ups like when your at the GYN. I got local anesthesia so I do not remember a thing about the actually procedure even though technically I was awake. They kept me in recovery for 45 minutes and sent me home with antibiotics. I didn't feel any pain till an half an hour later. I had mild cramps for two days and bled heavy for one. It tapered off like a normal period. Honestly I have no emotional attachment to this at all. I feel no guilt, no doubts on my decision, nothing. The only thing I'm worried about is healing properly and risk of infection. Unless you are as detached as I am from the pregnancy and viewed it as a punishment like I did don't do this. Adoption is a much better option seeing how many people want children and can't have them.
2. Happy New Year!! I went out for the first time since Halloween and didn't feel nausea or get tired and be able to drink and keep up with my crazy group of friends. I did the Polar Plunge on Jan 1st, it was awesome. More partying like always but I do this with family so its special on top of a good time.Got hit on a lot which was a little annoying but I'm used to it. The funny part is when they (the guys) would catch a glimpse of my boyfriend.. talk about running for the hills! You have to understand he's a BIG guy.. 6'2, 230, all muscle and tattoos ex wrestler and cage-fighter. Oddly enough hes my saving grace. The sweetest man on the face of this earth and would do anything for me. I always have a great time when we are together, he gets me. Plus its funny to watch peoples reaction...little 5'3, 120 pounds me compared to him. Guys have literally told me your sweet but you boyfriend terrifies me. In my eyes this is a huge point in my boyfriends favor.
I feel my life slowly going back to normal. Its like coming out of a daze. I feel like the person I was before (almost). Almost like it was someone else who went through all that. I've always been a "bad" girl, I do some modeling, go out and party, I've played in drugs (haven't touched ANYTHING in over a year, its all overrated) I like to wear naughty outfits and stripper heals, I'm a huge flirt and am known for doing wild things and hot-rodding hot cars. Its amazing with my Conservative relationship, political, and religious views that I'm this wild, but whatever .. its part of my off hand charm. I'm just wondering if I can regress back to who I was or if I even want to. There are certain things I did before that I'm a lot less than proud of and I'm already in danger of doing it again. I know only I have control over my moral decisions. You have to wonder how far a person can compromise ones self. To a certain extent I'll always be "bad". I can't help it to an extent its literally my nature, but I know eventually this has to change. The question is when? Its not like I'm irresponsible. I have a good job, a paid for nice car(which I paid for), I'm in college and doing well. My question is when do need to change the rest and be..well..good. |
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