I went through with my decision. Of course, in the back of my head i still have these unrational thoughts. What if i pass this up then am passing up the only chance to be with someone? What if i was truly just being to picky & shallow but no one wanted to tell me? Will I find someone that will actually accept me at the weight i am?
I told him right around christmas, which i feel horrible for. Specially since this time is already difficult for him. But, he was already stating numerous times that he was falling for me & i felt horrible when i couldn't say anything along those lines. I felt like i was leading him on. So, i couldn't lead him on any longer, it wasn't fair to him at all. Also, I was already becoming distant & he noticed which was another reason why i had to tell him ASAP .
Feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. However, it was one of the hardest things ive done in my life. I know, how much rejection kills me so to do it to another is quite hard for me. Specially to someone who is a very kind person that has been abused in the past emotionally. However, i can't let that affect me because its not fair to me.
Maybe, this will lift my spirits a little for Christmas. I mean, its christmas EVE EVE & am still not feeling it. Drastic times calls for drastic measures. Might have to rent a couple christmas movies, get some cookie dough, have some egg nog. Oh thats just the begging :].
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