i know we have a love/hate relationship with that question: what might have been. but it's come up for me lately. when i was just graduating high school, the youth minister at my church resigned from his position at the church and took a position at another church a few towns over. there was a lot of drama (ugh) over the leaving that, from everyone i've talked to since, everyone regrets. and a significant portion of the youth left the church, including me. most of them started going to a nearby church, while some of them went to other churches, and some of them quit going at all. i ended up going to the church where the youth minister began working at. i didn't intentionally follow him there, i promise. i went to visit him and fell in love with the church. awesome church. so i went there for probably three years of my college career. then i saw a notice that the new youth minister(third one since i had been there) was needing help because he didn't have a wife but had a lot of girls in his youth group. so i found myself back there again, with new kids, but a lot of the same adult members. i LOVED it. LOVED LOVED LOVED. Love. I miss them a lot now that we've moved out of state. Anyway, after I had been helping there a while, I learned that way back when I was just graduating high school and my youth minister was leaving, the leadership had intended to have me lead the youth (maybe temporarily until they hired someone, but i'm not sure) after the youth minister left. i already had a position of leadership and respect within the youth group. i just wish now that i knew what their intentions were because i might have stayed. i don't know that for sure because tensions were so high, but i think the possibility of leading the youth would have at least made me think again about leaving. i guess i can see why they hadn't said anything to me before he left . . . there were so many hurt feelings and bruised emotions and just SOO much stuff going on that maybe it wouldn't have gone over well. i don't know. but i wish i would have had the chance to say yes or no. part of that's my fault becase after he left, i didn't hang around. his last sunday was mine as well.
but still i wish i could have had the chance to choose. i don't know if at that point in my life i would have done a good job of it, but maybe i would have. i already helped lead worship, and sometimes i taught. out of all the kids in the youth group, i was one of the oldest, and at the risk of sounding prideful, the most qualified to fill in, even if it was just temporary.
now, i know that different choices lead us in different directions, so i have a hard time thinking this way too far because who knows what would have happened in my life had i stayed where i was, but still. in this one thing, i wonder how it would have gone.
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