A bloop?

02/06/2010

Okay...
so I made a bloop? because, I need something to write down my thoughts when I can't really go to my friends. Yaknow.

So, there's been a lot on my mind, lately. I kinda miss being in a relationship. I got out of a 3 year relationship back in July, and it's like, I've forgotten how to live life being single. It's sad, but I shouldn't have let myself grow so attached to him. My ex's name is Jared, and I'll probably be talking about him a lot in my enteries. Beacause, as much as I hate the bastard, I still think about him? and I've been having a lot of dreams about him lately, and it sucks. Because, I KNOW I don't love him. I know I'm over him, but it's like, when I see him; I get so angry and I don't know whether to scream, or cry. I guess that just still shows I'm hurt because of how our relationship ended. With his friends getting too involved and telling him he 'deserved better than me' When I did everything and anything for him. I let him do anything he wanted, never gave him a hard time. and just I'm still pissed about how he ultimately chose his friends over our 3 year relationship.

Lately, There's another guy I've been talking to, his name is Jeremy, and he likes me..so he says, and I like him. But it's like, idk what's going on with it. We've known each other for...2 years? roughly. When I don't text him, he texts me and says; 'you don't text me anymore :[" and then when I do, we don't talk long. Idk what to really do about it. It's like, I try to ask him to hang out, but I feel like I'm annoying him because I don't know what to really talk about with him. And I'm not sure how to handle it. I wanna try to date him; but I'm not sure if he's really trying as much as I am, but I don't wanna try TOO hard. You know? I don't wanna push him away. But yet, I don't wanna seem like I'm not trying.

Then there's another ex named Tom who is STILL in love with me, but he's out in Oregon, and I'm here in PA. and I don't want to waste my time on a relationship that I KNOW won't go anywhere. He claims that he'll be here in 2 months. But I doubt it. I know he would do ANYTHING for me in a heartbeat, but I'm not sure... Cus I broke up with him and he went, completely...crazy? Called me 10 times at work in 15 mintues, left me 3 voicemails crying, messaged my sister AND my brother asking why I left him, messaged me twice on myspace and had his friend message me on facebook about it, in ONE day...ONE DAY. I tried to stop talking to him, but I guess the guilt got to me so I finally talked to him because he IMed me on MSN on one of his blocked email accounts, and I took it as a sign. I don't wanna lead him on. But I guess part of me still has feelings for him.


I'm just....lost
and not sure how to handle it all. -.-
Advice is needed.