you can knock my lights out, but I'll still shine
It's been a while since I've updated...
Shit's been going downhill lately.
Well, for one. My sister's heart is getting weaker, which kinda means she's dying... she was taken to the hospital and I freaked out at work and they sent me home... Then I left early the next day because I was worried too much and couldn't pull a double... She's on a holter monitor and has to keep it on for 5 days. They're sending her to a congential cardiologist, and gonna put her on this medication to improve heart pumps and heart rates before they take drastic measures and give her a heart transplant. I hope this works.
Two; Jinx isn't moving up here anymore. He's gonna try to get custody of his daughter Abby... I know he's doing it for the right reasons, but they won't give him full custody... The mother ALWAYS wins, unless she's unfit. But the mother of his daughter has had custody and as far as I'm concerned she's not unfit... I wanna tell him what he's getting into, and that he's most likely not gonna win, but I don't have the heart to tell him...So I've pretty much given up all chances of him and I being together. So I guess my only option is to move on... as hard as it's gonna be...
Three; I'm so sick and tired of being the size I am. I'm really being hard on myself and forcing myself to go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, because this summer has big plans, and I don't wanna be disgustingly huge. I wanna be smaller for Maine in August with Katie, and I wanna be thinner for the shore, since this is the first time I've been single in 3 years, and I want guys to do double looks at me, so I NEED to be harder on myself, I'm actually going to the gym around 11 today until I need to get ready for work....
Four; I'm also tired of looking the same. I've looked the same since I was 5, and come Tuesday night, my hair will be strawberry blonde. I know it's a huge change, but I wanna take risks. I want change for myself, I need the confidence.
This week has sucked...big time, but I need to keep my head up.
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