Naive
I know that I am very inexperienced when it comes to relationships. My first "boyfriend" was a short relationship that ended when he hit me and gave me a concussion. I ended up getting a restraining order against him (sorry if I'm repeating myself here) and didn't date for four years (hmmm...there's that 4 year thing again!). When I finally started dating, the first person I met was my ex-husband...and we all know how that turned out. That's it. I'm 42 years old and I've had TWO boyfriends. Yeah, I know, it's kind of pathetic.
I know I need to let Gaspar go, but it's hard when he constantly calls me "hun" and "babe". Do people who are just "friends" do that? Maybe this is normal in the hispanic culture and do not mean the same as how I would use them? Why does this have to be so confusing?? So, we haven't texted each other much over the past few days. But Gaspar talked to me at work today and said that he's really starting to get concerned about the fact that once he stops moving he falls asleep...and stays asleep for a very long period of time. He ended up sleeping most of yesterday and last night (thus why I didn't hear from him). I've given him the advice of having a physical and getting some bloodwork done to make sure that something strange isn't going on and even suggested that maybe he's anemic (he eats very poorly). But, you know men, they won't go to the doctor unless they're dying (and sometimes not even then!).
So, tonight, I asked him if something else was going on. I wanted to know if he was mad at me or avoiding me. His response was "never that, I could never be mad at u hun". See, there's that word again. So, I flat out told him "You have become one of my closest friends and I love you to death. When we go awhile without texting I get worried that you're upset with me". (Realize that we've texted every day for the past 6 months, so yeah, it's unusual to not hear from him). His response was simply "i love u 2". I'm sure he means it just as a friend....or does he? Why do men have to be so difficult to understand?? I don't use the L word unless I truly mean it on some level. Should I just trust that he's the same way?? (I swear, sometimes I feel like a teenager in the love department...young and stupid!)
<3 Carol
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