I would like everyone to meet my father. At this very moment he is in Coldwater Michigan serving a 15 year sentence for Criminal Sexual Conduct, 2nd Deg (Person Under 13). His minimum discharge date was approx. 3 years ago but each time he was up for probation, he was denied.
If anybody doesn't already know, I was sexually molested by my own father from ages 9 to 11. When he was sentenced to 8-15 years in prison, he was not the only one sentenced ... I was sentenced to a lifetime of hatred, anger, regret and confusion and as the years passed i came to understand my own thoughts were starting to kill me. The feelings that i have toward the man in this picture have began to eat away at my insides to show themselves to the people that i love. Not only are these feelings eating away at my own spirit, pride and self-confidence but it's eating away at the people around me. Everything that i come into contact with seems to suffer from my confused state of mind and the events that have taken place in my life from ages 9-11 have definatly scarred me for life. Also over these past 8 years i have learned to hide the majority of my feelings inside of my body and mind. Sometimes i hold too much inside at a time and turn into a time bomb ready to explode with tears. who would have thought that something that happens to children all over the world everyday could effect one person in such a way for so long??
I have anger management issues and everyone blames it on my father. I do belive he plays a big part in my problems but i also belive that it is caused in part by my inability to cope with the harsh changes reality have thrown apon me. Life with my father was never easy and it only got worse after he went to prison. I left all of my friends abruptly without saying goodbye to live in watervliet michigan with my grandparents. i finished the 6th grade there and made friends who i also had to leave without saying goodbye because one day my mother came and picked my brother and i up without us knowing it. then we lived in jamestown new york with my mother and her boyfriend (my mother now had custody of us both). we had no heat in the winter and it was so cold we (my mother, brother and i) had to all sleep in the same bed to keep warm. My mother was trying to pay the bills with a job at wal*mart and at age 12 i was taking care of my little brother most of the time (cooking, cleaning and keeping him occupied). Not to mention that it was illegal for anyone under about 13 years old to babysit in NYS. My mother was looking for another place to go because her boyfriend was a gross loser who couldn't pay a bill if his life depended on it. She met my soon to be step-father, Dan. After a few dates, he offered to take me, my mother and brother in. So in the middle of the night my brother and i got to each pack 1 garbage bag full of belongings to take with us. Next thing we knew, Dan, the man we never met yet was taking us to live with him in the middle of the night. Again, i didn't get to say goodbye to the friends that i had made in school. So my little brother (then 6 years old) and i (then 12) were living with my mom and her new boyfriend in Buffalo, New York. That was around Christmas time and it was the first xmas that i had spent away from my family. Thus to say that it was quite painful for me and my little brother was still too young to really understand. Bless him that he just went with the flow of things. I still know that i am the reason he doesn't remember his father. That summer my brother and i got to visit our family in michigan and my mother ended up getting married to Dan. They had a beautiful daughter together named Madison Jennifer. My little sister is now 5 years old going on 6 in march of '08. She is "learning disabled" but she is so smart all at the same time. I've always wanted a sister and she is more than i could ever ask for.
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