crayon box
when you can't be what you wanna be.
i fell into an old routine like clockwork the other day. and it was so scary. and i feel like my heart's still beating irregularly, i have a dentist appointment next week & i feel like he's going to be able to tell, which is ridiculous.. i haven't purged since forever, at least a few months, but i guess it's a day by day thing. it's just that the more i try to stay away from it, the more i gain weight, and the more ugly i get. i'm trying not to make a weight-related resolution, other than to smash my scale into a million pieces in hopes that it'll somehow cure the general distaste for life and myself. but there are such bigger things going on in the world, i feel like the most superficial bitch ever. hopefully this year will be different in that sense.
okay, i'm totally guilty of making ridiculously far-fetched goals & resolutions for the new years.. but here we go again. i tried to make mine a little more mature. did it work?
1.) become social again. quit putting off seeing friends, ignoring some, and hating old ones for no good reason. it's done. it's 09! time to grow up.
2.) transfer to mankato state uni and NOT become an alcoholic.
3.) start taking multi-vitamins EVERY SINGLE DAY. and for that matter, drink more water too.
4.) start blogging more - and about meaningful things. quit being so fucking shallow. prove everyone wrong, get in touch with politics.
5.) make at least $1,000 with treasure trooper.
6.) have a huge garage sale in the summer.
7.) go to cali with c on vaca.
8.) quit wearing so much makeup. it gets annoying having to put layers and layers of primer and foundation on just to look semi-normal. yuck.
9.) QUIT SHOPPING AT HOLLISTER/A&F. start shopping consignment & thrifting again.
10.) QUIT DRINKING STARBUCKS, no matter how yummy pepper mocha twist's are.
11.) get out of debt and stay the hell out.
12.) get a new and improved job.
13.) read things. become smarter. less cosmo, more .. peter kropotkin. or however you spell that guys name.
14.) give up the grudge.
15.) become less selfish, more caring.
16.) become stronger. physically..and emotionally.
17.) volunteer @ habitat for humanity. whenever time opens up.
18.) enjoy life and everything it has to offer. quit living in the past and quit hating yourself. finally be able to say i get the bigger picture.
new addition = start taking pictures often. and be better at posting and commenting on bloop!
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I'd never do that!
sadly. but at least you're noticing things like that, that you want to change!!!!! 
