Tell Me What It Takes to Let You Go

10/05/2011

Or better yet, what it takes to get rid of you...

So I can start to live the way I am supposed to and I am meant to.

~

Talking to my best friend, I cannot help but act toward him the way I always have. I joke with him, I kid around with him, I make affectionate little remarks. I always have. Nothing serious, simply talking.

He asked me today if it ever got old. At first, I found that odd, and took slight offense to it as though he was trying to say he was tired of me talking like that.

I told him if he did not like what I was saying, I would no longer say it. That the only way I knew how to treat him was the way I always had - with affection. I told him talking to him never got old.

He tells me he was just asking, which immediately made me feel horrible for getting offended. I suppose I'm quite sore over how my husband has been lately - I started to take it out on him without realizing it.

I told him it just happens, that I do not think about it. I just say it from the heart. I'm notorious for wearing my heart on my sleeve, and speaking my mind without a second thought.

He proceeds to tell me he is still getting used to that, that he has never really had it without asking for it. This broke my heart....

No one ever just appreciated you, just because? No one just showed you affection and kindness.... just because you are who you are? That makes me sad.... you deserved so much better. I'm sorry I never saw it before. You'll have to forgive me for being unable to see it.

He tells me he is accustomed to the affection, but not the appreciation. I intend to change that, as I always have. There is nothing else I could do except show him how much I care. This is all I have always done, and always will do.