[oo7] The reason I wanted to die

I've learned that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you more.

So after I get my paycheck tomorrow, I won't have money to pay my car insurance. I decided to ask my dad for help since he's always there for me. When I did he said No...bummer.. He told me that he is no longer loaning me anymore money because I already owe him $150.00 and because of what I said to my mother the other day. [[recap: I told her that I don't want her at my wedding & to be around my kids (when I have some) ever]] I told him I meant every word of it.

My mother has always been a BITCH to me my entire life. She left me with my aunt and her husband when I was little because she "had to work to support me" and they abused me all the way until I was about 5 or 6 years old. He hit everyone in the house including my aunt & my aunt was crazy and made me eat and eat so I'd be fat and ugly because she didn't want my mom to have the prettier daughter. Then we came to the U.S. with her new husband [[whom I call "dad"]] and where she's emotionally abused me my entire life because of my weight. When I was a teenager I tried to commit suicide because she told me no daughter of hers would ever be fat and that shes ashamed of me; that I couldn't eat at the house anymore because I was already too fat. She's the reason I wanted to die Then when I was admitted to the hospital, I was in ICU for over a week then at a child/teen psych hospital for about 2-3 weeks, and not once did she come see me. She wouldn't come to family therapy or anything. Then as I grew older, she kept on about my weight but one thing I learned is that she'll never love me for me and it would never end so I just ignore it. Boyfriends came & went and she always tried to ruin all of them for me. Now she thinks since Doug can't support me because we are struggling financially for the first time she thinks I shouldn't be with him either and I don't care! I told her I didn't and that if she had a problem with him and our relationship then I don't want her at my wedding or around our kids.. how is that wrong? Why would she want to be if she doesn't agree with us being together or that he's not "good enough" for me?


ANYWAYS, I'm over it. I'll cancel my car insurance and moving my shit out this weekend. F her & Life will go on without 'em! I'm not letting her get me down this time. She has all my life but now I have Doug & he loves me for me.