Time: 2:18am
State of Being: i dunno
Song lyric in my head: I don't care anymore this is my life
current desire: conviction
where am I?: in the livingroom on the couch
what's that noise?: nada
This has been a long two weeks. I finally have a day off tomorrow. woo-hoo! Hence the staying up late. I feel the need to do so, just because. I can sleep in on Saturdays lol.
So I kind of gave a notice to Ram today at work. (pharmacy work.) He was basically like "Noooo Mel! Don't go. We need you!" I mentioned March 1 as a last day. I don't know if I'm going to stick to it though. He wanted me to wait until someone is completely trained to replace me.
I walked into work today.. and I decided I was done. I know I've been done for a while. A loooong while. But I was really done. If I don't take this risk and pursue what I want to do, I will always wonder what if.
Is it sad that I'm terrified? I'm coming up on my six year anniversary at wal-mart. That's the longest I've ever been at a job. Life without it would be really weird. I know this life right now. I may not like it all the time, but I'm used to it. I know its quirks. I know what good days are like, and I know what bad days are like. But I'm done. I can't do it anymore.
And I don't say that out of sadness or anger. It's more of a peaceful resolution.
I'm tired of the drama, I'm tired of the customers, I'm tired of retail politics, and I'm tired of working my butt off and being miserable. I'm not an angry person by nature, and in the last six years, I've been slowly heading that direction until it finally caught up with me.
I want to focus on my teaching career. I want to attempt entertainment on the side. Hosting bar bingo and trivia. Maybe taking another stand-up class at the Improv. I miss all that. I miss being on stage or holding a microphone. I love working with kids, and now I have an opportunity to finally teach drama. FINALLY. And I can't let the stress of Wal-Mart pharmacy get to me. I can't let it take away my spirit. I can't let it affect my teaching or my ability to have fun.
I really need to stick by this notice. I really need to quit this time. For good.
five bucks says March 1st comes around and I'm still there.
*sigh*
peace!
-mel-
2:31am
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