I'm wearing the fuck down. I'm angry. I'm emotional. I'm tired. Oh did I mention I'm fucking angry and tired!??!?! My knees hurt constantly and my hips hurts quite a bit too. I gain weight I lose weight. I'm okay and then I'm not. It's like it hits me like a fucking truck and is driving me god damn INSANE. Not only that but Charity got covid, she's fine of course. Her quarantine date was up on August 30th, but my 2 boys got stuck in quarantine til Sept. 13th. Something about the exposure date. So with them home fighting all the time....and having no break....I'm losing my shit. David started working I guess so he could get a place of his own, which is good if that's what he's really doing. But shit if he's not working, I'd like him to get Waylon for a weekend....cause I just need a break. I need a god damn break. From life. If I had the money and someone to watch my kids I'd just take off for a week. I don't give a fuck where....just somewhere that's not here. Honestly, I'd go see Jacob. we've been talking almost a year now. Sweetest man in the world. Hands down. Not sure why he keeps talking to me. I'm fucking batshit crazy. Have 4 kids by 3 dads. Going through a divorce. I have no money. I have no car. Im not sexy. I've done nothing but gain weight....then lost 30 pounds, then had all my teeth pulled and I gained 10 pounds....and then lost 6. So of course I cant fucking STAND THE FUCKING WAY I LOOK. Too depressed to do shit about it. I'm stuck in a house with my kids and my parents. I literally have nothing to offer him. I love him tho. He's been there for me through so much shit. And he's always the one to calm me down. Seriously, I'd just go disappear with him for a while.
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