I'm having flashbacks. Alcoholism runs in my family - my mother was an alcoholic, my cousin is becoming and alcoholic, my aunt is definitely a functional alcoholic, and my uncle ... well, I don't think he is, but he used to be pretty borderline. My paternal grandmother is also an alcoholic. Dad used to drink a little too much but I don't think he was ever as bad as the people already mentioned and is able to drink in moderation now.
I could cry. My cousin and I just got back from seeing a movie and he is going to get some beer now that he's dropped me off. My aunt is drunk right now. When I came in she was on the phone talking to an old friend, then to me on and on in a drunken, slurry voice about the good old days and people I've never met. I smile, nod, and make small talk while staying as far away from any sensitive subject (such as my cousin's aspergers syndrome, the fact that he doesn't have a job, or anything to do with my mother or family members with whom my aunt doesn't get along).
When I'm around really drunk people, especially older women, I tend to get wary. Drunk people are so unpredictable. It's like being around someone in the grip of a psychosis. Drunk people are dangerous. I have such deep scars from the alcoholics in my life it's a wonder I drink at all, ever. I drink on occasion but not every night to the point of intoxication. I am afraid right now.
Mom used to drink, drink, drink in secret. I didn't know what exactly was happening when I was little but I must have known on some level because I was emotionally...disturbed...and always acting out up until they finally beat it out of me around 5th grade or so. Then I withdrew into my shell and didn't come out again until I was about 19 or 20. That's when I started smoking weed and it really helped me calm down enough to face the universe again.
Anyway...I just had to talk about this because it hurts. I am signing off because I can't stand to be around my aunt who is wasted and watching Oprah. More on this later maybe.
-Tak |
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I think my parents are alcoholics... but at the same time I'm afraid to call them that. My ex husband was an alcoholic among other things.... I don't drink... except a glass of wine rarely. My parents
drink all weekend... they announce at about 3:30pm... "It's Beer 30!".... and what pains me is the reason they didn't visit me during my hospitalization on that Saturday that visiting hours were from 4:30-7:30pm.... was because it would interrupt their
'routine'... meaning... their drinking.