Post Traumatic Test Disorder

10/27/2010

Today we are down to just 40 days left in the semester. Today was also my second psych exam and I got a 90%, which is not quite an A but nothing to sneeze at either. If I had been more diligent about studying my medications I probably would have gotten a higher grade, which is a bummer. That's the nursing student for you though - control freak, perfectionist, insecure. If I get a 98 I'm asking myself why it wasn't 100.

Things have been ... okay for me today. After a big victory there's always a mini crash in my emotional make-up. I guess it's just because as soon as I get over one hurdle, I am getting ready to leap another. Right now I'm feeling tired and a little depressed. The next hurdles: clinicals (psych and med/surg), the next Adult Nursing exam, quizzes, and apprehension about having this over.

Being in a new environment is stressful (I'm up in Anchorage from Kenai and the change from small-town to the city is always a bit of a shock). Being around new people makes my stress skyrocket. I so want for everyone to see me as smart and capable, but I don't feel that way at all! I fake a confident attitude and so far, so good.

Some of the girls in my class are so smart it's a little intimidating. I take a major hit to the self-esteem whenever I don't know an answer asked in class or can't find it quickly. Then there are the new dynamics emerging among the students...

The tension is mounting and people seem to be snapping at each other a lot more. I get the feeling that the others don't like me. There's one girl in particular who seems to give me a dirty look a lot. We were in a group together and she is like an exaggerated version of the typical nursing student. Maybe it's because she has kids? I dunno.

As for me, when it comes to the other students I am cheerful, supportive, and if I do overreact to something I recognize and apologize ASAP. I don't see any gains in being a bitch-face when I could make nice and have a potential ally.

I have class in a few minutes ... I don't wanna go. It's psyche and I don't wanna go. I think it's time for a bit of a rest this afternoon. Goodness knows I won't have many more chances to rest in the next two and a half weeks. Just 40 days to go.

-Tak