My Life Right Now in One Word.

04/08/2015

SUCKS.

Not really, but it could be better. At this point, the only thing that brings me any happiness is my daughter. It seems like my relationship is going straight down the shitter and I'm trying to quit smoking, so that isn't really helping. at all. I spent the better portion of my morning yesterday escorting my grandma to her eye appointment, then I came home and spent the rest of the day cleaning the house. I didn't get the whole house done, because anyone with a child knows that trying to clean with a toddler is the most counter- productive thing you could ever do. I did manage to clean her room, fold all her clothes and put them away, scrub our disgusting bathroom, and completely clean our living room. I did not get a chance to get to the kitchen, the mountain of dishes, or our bedroom and it's own Mount Laundry. He comes home from work, clearly upset with me about God knows what this time. (Note- EVERYDAY he comes home with something to be upset with me about, whether it be something I didnt clean, or dinner not being made, or a couple toys on the living room floor, and it inevitably turns into an argument within 5 minutes) So after I figure out what was bothering him and diffusing the situation, all went well. Until this morning. (and I should add, I never got a single "thank you" or "i appreciate it") He gets up to get ready for work, and like every morning, Lily wakes up while he is rustling about. Now, I never get up and get Lily the second she makes a peep in the morning, because I dont want her to get the idea that I will run to her the second she starts crying, as Im sure that will open some can of worms that I just dont even want to deal with. He has a problem with that, and that usually results in him mumbling to himself while he gets ready("yeah, I bet you will let her in her crib to cry all morning." or "You cant even get up to take care of your own daughter.") which will piss me off, then make me shoot out of bed to go get her, spark an argument, then he leaves for work and we part ways for that morning on terrible terms. Anyway, after the Lily episode, the first things out of his mouth were do this, do this, do this. Get the dishes done. Where is the baby powder, change her diaper. could you finish cleaning the kitchen? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES SHIT AROUND THE HOUSE? It has been, I cant even tell you how long, since he even touched a dish to clean it. Since he picked up a single shred of clothing to fold it. Since he even scrubbed the fucking toilet. The only two things he takes care of in this house (and BARELY takes care of) is the trash every wednesday and occasionally doing the laundry. Why is it that you expect me to use my days off to clean the house and do the dishes, but on your days off you dont have to do a damn thing?! Im sick of it. So I straight up told him this morning that I refused to do the fucking dishes. I had planned on doing them today, yesterday, but after these events, fuck it. Why should I? I relaxed on the couch all day with Lily, we watched some tv, played together, gave her a bath. Just had a good day. He calls me when he gets off work to tell me he is on his way home, then I told him by the way that I didnt do the dishes. He gets upset, hangs up on me. Comes home with his usual attitude. Pisses me off, we get into a fight, havent spoken to him since he got home, and now here I am. Im so sick and tired of this constant arguing and bickering. It's a never ending circle.