Oh, You're Racist? Then Get The Hell Out Of HereFRIDAY
22nd March 2013, 9.39 PM.
This is to my (Muslims) friends and family. If you hate Islam, go far away from this entry. If you're going to put racist comments, I'll simply delete them. If you're racist or if you're an Islam hater but you just want to read this anyway, stay silent and put respectful comments if you're going to comment.
Because, believe me, I am not in the mood.
I've always wanted to be a good Muslim. I've always wanted to love Allah deeply, fear Him, and remember Him all the time. I've always wanted to read the Qur'an at least once a day with my mom, read the do'as after prayer. I've always wanted to be sensible, good, obedient, hard-working, and responsible. I've always wanted to get A*s on my report books. I've always wanted...to be a good girl.
Problem: Nobody's perfect. I am not a good Muslim ( ). I hate to admit it, but I can't-I can't...I can't really find a lot of love for Allah. But I know it is all up to Him whether I love Him or not, right? No, I will NOT use Him as an excuse. There will be a time in my life when I come to love Him deeply, fear Him greatly, and remember Him all the time. I am still working on it. Reading the Qur'an? I would love to say that I enjoy reading it...but then I'd be lying. I want to enjoy reading it. But it won't happen by itself. I have to at least force myself into reading it. But I'm always so....lazy!! I'm a lazy idiot! A lazy, procrastinating idiot! OK, cut out the "idiot" part, I'm not that stupid. So I'm a lazy procrastinator. What else is new. I want to change. I want to read the do'as after prayer. Again, my stupid laziness. Sensible, good, obedient, hard-working, and reponsible girl? Almost impossible. But a good girl doesn't neccessarily have to be all those, right? As long as I pray, do'a, read the Qur'an, fear, love, and remember Allah, as long as I regret all of my stupid actions, my bad-mouthing, the bad words I said....I'll be alright, right? Sad but true fact: I don't really practise my religion that much. T.G is so lucky that she's a great, generous person and she practises her religion a lot... I'm sorry for all the harsh words I've ever said to you. Though, all I ever wanted was for you to accept my apology and you can't even give me a phone call?!
All I said in the first paragraph was all I ever wanted. Except for three more things:
1)I want to be in Heaven with all of my family and friends safe and sound with me.
2)I want to stop all of my bad habits.
3)I want a lucid dream.
I don't remember when I've opened up this much...I've always wanted to write an entry something like this but was always afraid because of...you know...there's racism out there....
I HATE YOU, WW3!!!
Hope you had a free, happy day, everyone.
"Life is like a rollercoaster." -DreamerSx3.Layouts
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