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Rawrrrrr. :]
by ToxicSerenity

previous entry: My favorite quotes.

next entry: My fictitious happy life.

Returning to the Keyboard

03/16/2011

Hello Diary,

Sorry It's been so long. It's been about 5 months, since I've posted. Quite a lot of things have been going on. Life got hard. Really really hard. Boys hurt me, life fell apart, and it's just now coming back together, filled in the holes, with the love from a man that I love.

First things first, Paul and I are done. Over. Completely. Bad idea there. Never again. He treated me like shit, and I put up with it for 9 months... That was enough. That's enough on that subject.

Being single was a bitch, my heart was smashed to peices, and putting the peices back together was a bitch, still working on that. Core helped, but now he's tearing me apart again. I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or if he's just messing around thinking it's funny. Since I'm not with him, he's gonna pull all the shit he can to get me single again, but then not want me when I am. "You're mine.... I thought you knew that or were you too drunk to remember?" Well I'm really fucking sorry someone got me drunk... I didn't pour the shots myself.

Greg is the most amazing part of my life at this moment. He's funny and smart and gorgeous and he sees me for who I am instead of what I look like, or where I come from, or the fact that I'm just a hot body. He notices, and cares and thinks of me, and wonders, and holds me close and makes me feel safe. He doesn't control me, and let's me be free to do what I want. I don't ever want to lose him, but I'm scared he's gonna let me go, even if he swears he isn't. It frightens me, because I can't get hurt again.

I just wish my life hadn't changed. I wish I wasn't a depressed, lost, lonely girl that only wanted to be drunk to get rid of the pain. I hate how the pain haunts me, always comes back when I'm at my weakest point. I'm worried, I'm going to run out of options and let it take me away...

I'm scared to live, breathe, talk, tell secrets, anything. I'm scared because everything I do could backfire on me at any time of day.

I moved out of my mom's house yesterday, into Christina's. It feels good to be relaxed and away from drama to just chill out and be myself. I absolutely love it.

That's all that's new with me, Diary.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Brittany

previous entry: My favorite quotes.

next entry: My fictitious happy life.

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I love your diary dear. Very much.

[I Fear Who I Am Beco|0 likes] [|reply]

I just finally logged back on here and caught up with 2 years of crap.

[ToxicSerenity|0 likes] [|reply]

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