Two Grown @$$ Men

Anyway, he was mad, I called him out for claiming eggshells... I pointed out the many times I had asked him to smoke outside from day one. I pointed out that I compromised and literally tried everything he suggested, from sprays of sorts, to incense, to candles, to smoker buddy options, to him blowing into a dryer sheet covered tube, to smoking with the window wide open, to putting a fan in said wide open window...

I reminded him that i told him no one has been allowed to smoke in the house unless it's during a party/ once in a while kind of event.

I reminded him of every time I hinted that his dabbing inside was negatively affecting me. That I even tried to be understanding about the winter months being too cold to smoke outside and that I was more than accommodating about it, but stated that when the weather changed and became warmer, I would really like him to smoke outside instead. He ignored my texts. I pointed out that I needed to heal from my brain injury soon before it's too late. He ignored me. I stated that I can only do so much but that I've literally asked nicely in every way I can and how not he and my boyfriend seem not to care that they are causing me pain by choosing to be self centered; my boyfriend when it comes to cleaning/not cleaning up after himself, and roommate by not cleaning up after himself, or his dog, never cleaning his bedroom, letting piles of smelly trash and food and dishes pile up for MONTHS, and only cleaning up after I told him he had to because I am having the house appraised... 

He gave me a weird attitude about it, and then it got even worse after the pipe in his room burst because my request for him to clean the ever loving fuck out of his area/room suddenly became a priority and more of a rush order request than one he was able to put off for three more weeks.
He did clean up but it upsets me that I had to ask him repeatedly to do it... 

And then basically remind him that hey, you love in my house, which is not a separate unit but a bedroom in my basement... You create a mess, it is going to create bad smells... And it's going to make.the house smell. Ugh, my best friend stated to me that when she was here a few weeks ago, before the pipe broke, she could smell raunchy gross funky smells coming from my basement/roommates area. I was embarrassed! I fucking hate smelly smells in my house! Am I a prude? I had one rule: I don't care if it's messy, as long as it doesn't smell bad. 

If it smells bad, plz clean it up. Instead, my boyfriend refused and fought with me for the last year since my car accident caused my injury causing me to no longer have the same abilities to clean up after us/me and him and everyone else, and instead of being able to go home and rest my brain per Dr orders, I have cooked, cleaned, and catered to two men and two puppies for the last year and 4 months.

I finally snapped... Am I the bad guy?
The sad part about today's confrontation was when I was texting, trying to say, "hey, I'm not trying to be mean I need this to heal my brain. I'm sad because I feel I don't matter to you or my boyfriend based on your actions and his".

I pointed out that just talking about it was causing me to have a panic attack. Then I pointed out that I was literally chewing on chewable aspirin bkuz I needed to trick my broken brain into knowing i was not going to have a heart attack and die, even though my heart beat was erratic from this stressful confrontation. I called my mom, who walked me through some breathing exercises to help calm me down.

Roommate finally responded by saying he does care. He will smoke outside from now on. But that there are things bothering him that he feels he's having to deal with hence why he feels he's having to walk on eggshells. I the proceeded to probe for more info so I can understand how he is being affected by my actions, and begged him to tell me what is up. I told him we haven't lived together before and that it's trial and error and that is okay. As long as we can talk ad are all willing to resolve it all as it comes. He retracted his comment saying. Nevermind.

It wasn't a big deal. He took it back. He felt bad for mentioning it's my brain went into over drive, hyper drive even and I started asking him if any of my flaws, house habits had upset him. I told him no after the issue, I'm willing to listen and learn from my mistakes but that my only way of being able to fix anything was knowing what the issue was to begin with. I told him I can't read his mind and that he can talk to me if he wants to, when he is ready... And then I told him I cared about security and safety for everyone to be happy here. He never responded.

My bf is out of town until Sunday. Idk what his intentions are, tbh. I've realized he s abit narc/toxic by nature. He is around 13- emotionally and it has really been difficult to get him to understand how he has created some bad situations for us/me/himself.

The fact that we really only argue about the chores and me hiring housekeeping help...Oh, right. She bailed last minute.   The fact that he left Sunday, didn't tell me he was leaving, no idea where he stayed, and no word since and it's fucking THURSDAY... I know he had to work a show from Monday to this Sunday. Where was he Sunday night??? Do I have a right to know? Should I ask? Should I call j, or would I just give him my power doing so? Should I wait til he reaches out to me? If he doesn't, but comes home Sunday/Monday and acts like all os normal, do I let it all go? 

Do I help pay for the housekeeper? How can I help roommate feel comfortable smoking outside now? It isn't my job to cater to two grown ass men who should be willingly working to make our living situation run smoothly. 

I would love to have the men in my life, act like responsible adults.