Not much of a change

Not much has changed. I don't know what to say. I keep wishing every day that I wake up that I will not be depressed and that I will be back to my normal. I mean I know thats not realistic and it won't happen like that. It's still what I wish though. Driving is only getting worse, I have to pull over more and more and let the feeling of 'I want to drive myself in to the bridge' pass. I barely get sleep at night because I am tossing and turning with a mixture of nightmares and my mind not shutting down. I am so grateful that I have my appointment with my therapist this week, because something needs to change. Along with that appointment I also have another one with my doctor because earlier this past week I felt a hard knot in the upper part of my abdomen right where my ribs start to spread. Well this whole week its gotten bigger. So I am totally freaking about this. So much stress and my poor head and body just don't know what to do with it all. I need to find some balance. I need to allow myself to be me and expressive of what is going on inside me other than the cutting. Which this in time will only get worse....I can feel it.

classic layouts