Getting Better
I am going to try to get better at posting more entries. I used to be so open and would post at least once a day. Then when I had people that didn't even use this site reading my entries and using things against me I closed up. I know that I can make my diary private, but I just can't seem to get myself to open like I used to. Then there is the fact that I don't think that what I have to say doesn't matter and that people will think what I talk about is stupid. Not that those people's opinions should matter, but I can't help to let it restrict me. I am trying to change that, its just a slow and hard process for me. With me finally going to therapy I am getting myself to open up. I am scared as hell with that. I am afraid that what I dig up will only hurt me even more in the end. We can only wait and see.
I am trying to make changes in my life. I am looking into going back to school, I'm not sure what I will end up 'becoming' but I think I'm going to just go with the basics for now. I'm also trying to cut out the people that aren't doing me any good. The ones that just keep messing with my mind. They aren't helping me get better they are only helping keep me where I am. Now this is a bit hard for me because for one of them I am still in love with him. Compared to last year this time I am more over him a bit more, but I know that I will always love him. I'm working on it, I've stopped talking his phone calls and I ignore most of his texts. Eventually I will get there.
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