I've been thinking a lot about things lately. As morbid as this sounds, I can't do it anymore... This thing called life. I try and try to convince myself that I want to be apart of this world but I know (like many people forget) that life doesn't go on. We all have to face death at some point. It's inevitable. There is absolutely no point in living. You're born and then you die sometime after, whether it's sooner or later it's going to happen. It's inescapable. So what the fuck is the point? Love? I'm happy. I've been the happiest now than my entire existence and that is the reason I just want to go... I'm gonna lose everything. All of what I build. Relationships, friendships, achievements. Everything. It doesn't last forever. I'm tired. The only thing I can think about is when? When is it my turn? When am I going to go? I want it before any body else I know does. I don't want to experience the pain of losing anyone. My husband. My mum. My family or friends. I don't want to go through that. It's cowardly and selfish I know but it's going to happen and when it does, I want it to be on MY terms. Screw the universe. Am i suppose to pretend like I'm the only person in this world who can cheat death? I think not. Why? Because it's impossible. |
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