I'm not a lil girl no more rant...lol

06/17/2013

Ok...soo me and my cousins have some issues....I'm a 28 (going 29) year old and I've never had a boyfriend for many reasons....lol. I'm a fat girl...not gonna lie. Very insecure and I don't trust anyone to be honest. Aside from my many reasons....I managed last year to take a chance and talk to a guy who 'seemed' interested. I wasn't attracted to him but I told myself maybe I wasn't being fair...so I talked to him via facebook. He seemed ok at first....but then I started to realize his many faults....I know I shouldn't be picky but there are some things I will not accept....like someone who's disrespectful to parents...not just his but whoever he's dating......he admitted to me how he told his ex girlfriends' mother that she was a slut....(big redflag)...he also doesn't seem to respect his mothers' home by trying to sneak women into his room (I never went to his moms house and I told him why I wouldn't...She told him no more girls and I can understand why...after he told me all his stupid ideas). He seemed to always be drinking....and one day (when he was drunk) decided he was gonna have a serious talk with me...he had something to tell me....he told me he likes to drink...he hates being sober....lol...yeah I kinda figured that one out....who did he think he was fooling?...lol...I didn't have to see him or even talk to him on a phone to know he was drinking...I figured out what he's like when he's sobered compared to him drinking...plus I have years of experience being around drunks...And I hated it....ugh...and one day he posts he was hiding from the cops..(another huge redflag)...*sigh* I asked him why?....he said no reason....that they like to bother him....yeah....right.....even if that was the case....it's probably cause he was walking around late at night intoxicated...He kept trying to be smart...but unfortunately for him...I'm not an idiot. I knew he was a bit dumb before I talked to him....because we used to work together. I was the reliable worker that everyone went to to ask questions they didn't want to ask our lead man. I saw how this guy was at work he wasn't responsible...he hid from his duties. He wasn't very bright...and he made stupid jokes that after awhile became annoying. How a guy works can say a lot about him...but since I wasn't that social...I figured maybe I was missing something...and he got me at a weak moment....it was around my birthday and I always get anxious around that time cause its another year telling me I'm getting older and have yet to date or anything....like I said its a weak time for me.....sooo yeah I talked to him....and he eventually told me...he only wanted a friend with benefits....then when I told him I couldn't see myself losing my virginity to a guy who only wanted a friend with benefits he seemed to be cool....and then he got drunk on the weekend....then he was pissed....I told him from the very beginning that I wasn't gonna be able to do that and he still wanted to talk to me...he told me he could see himself with a girl like me...blah blah blah....but then after all is said and done...he only wanted a booty call....and maybe or according to my friend who knows him said he probably wanted me because I'm a virgin and I won't know no better when it came done to his ability....and perhaps because I was well respected at work by his friends......anyways...he got ugly with me....called me an immature old person who is scared....that I'm a guy in a girls body...that no one is gonna take me seriously....more or less....he ranted for awhile...wasted my time...but hey I did learn something...I learned that its possible that no matter who takes an interest in me...they might expect me to be able to jump into things just because I'm an older woman...which btw 28 isn't old...not even close.....I learned that maybe I should judge people by my first impressions....they seem to be pretty right....and I learned that my family is still gonna trip....lol. which gets me to the title of this entry...during the whole time...my family was suspecious of me...lol...I told my grandpa who in my opinion is the only opinion that matters to me.....heh...this is how I told him 'dad....?'...him..'yeah?'...'umm....is it ok with you if I go see the guy I've been talking too?'...'no! Its too soon....I don't like it! I don't like it at all!...argh....no...you're a grown woman...do wat you want...that's what your mother would want me to say....I don't care do what you want...'....'uh...you don't sound like its ok....and I want it to be ok for you...'....'*sigh*....I just...I don't want you to be hurt....'.....he gave me his blessing after some talking but ya see my family is not well with the idea of me dating or anything...which btw when I went to see the guy...it wasn't a date...just two friends talking...nothing more as far as I'm concerned..I did the driving...I went to meet him...and we didn't go anywhere except to a park to talk....oh and another thing that bothered me about him...he is too undecisive....(sp?)....lol...he didn't know where to go and he ate before I got there....soo yeah....anywayz...my grandpa got drunk one day and told one of my uncles who is like my brother and then that uncle told my other uncle (his brother) and then my cousin overheard him saying he didn't like me using the car to see some guy....my uncles don't like the idea of me being with anyone....neither does my mom or one of my cousins....it doesn't feel right to them...and they worry...which is sweet but I am 28.....and well typically people my age are married with children....and I'm not.....I took care of my grandma for years...helped around the house...helped raise my uncles' kids....and well had no life to speak of.....I'm the 'innocent' one in the family.....*eyeroll*....lol. Well I thought I was the only one who was gonna have to declare my age and what not when it came to well....relationship stuff...but...today my lil cousin who is 19 going on 20....told my grandpa she wasn't coming home tonight and that she was gonna sleep over her boyfriends' house....now she basically dropped a bomb on my grandpa and he needed more time to process....like with me....now we all know my cousin does what she wants and we...or well I assumed she was already sexually active....and well she's an adult...her choices are her own...we did our best and from now on she just has to live and learn....and all we can do is hope she's smart and takes care of herself.....well anywayz...my grandpa told her 'are you serious?...okay...do what you want....'.....and that was the end....my grandpa told me he afterwards realized she's 19 and she's technically an adult....soo...he made peace with it....but he still worried....my cousin last week was crying and depressed for a few days....she made us worry and never explained what happened....we didn't ask because she literally yells at you to leave her alone soo...yeah....we all know that there are only a few things that get her to crying the way she did and one...is her boyfriend...we ruled out all theother things by watching her....soo of course it must of had to do with her boyfriend.....the guy is alright when we talk to him but then she tells us other things...they been on and off for years and honestly....the guy is trying to rush her into an obidient wife type...and she isn't even living with the guy (not that it would be ok...)....soo my grandpa continued to worry...not because of the possibility of her having sex but because he was worried she'd be stuck over there with the guy and my grandpa doesn't want to see her crying over the guy anymore.....oh and the her boyfriends' mom doesn't like my cousin...says she's too wild...lol...which is weird considering my cousin....but to each their own...my cousin ended up coming home tho...she opens our door harshly and says 'I'm home now!'....my grandpa thanks her...doesn't even say anything more and she decides to go into a rant...about how she's not a lil girl...she's an adult...and if she wanted to sleep with her boyfriend that's her business...well I couldn't just sit there well she chewed out my grandpa on fathers day...soo I told her to calm down...that he was worried because she's always saying her boyfriends mother doesn't like her and that he didn't want anyone saying anything to her....she became tongue tied and quickly shut up and left.....I know I may have only gave her part of the story but I didn't like how she came off.....she had no right disrespecting him....her tone and manner were wrong....my grandpa has every right to worry....and well its to be expected....my cousin is a result of two immature teens having sex before they were ready...my grandparents raised her with my help...hell I'm a result of an immature pair of teenagers having sex before they were ready....and soo is my other lil cousin...and my grandparents had to raise us.....my grandpa just didn't want the samething to happen again....my cousin may be smart but she makes a lot of dumb decisions on a daily....one of them is her boyfriend....I'm sorry but if I was in a relationship with a guy like him...she'd be telling me I was a dumbass and saying not to complain if I was gonna be making that choice to stay with the guy....lol....with everything said....I find it funny that finally I'm the only one who felt the need to say 'I'm not a lil girl anymore...'...lol....because I was beginning to wonder if I was a special case...lol. It's still not as bad for my cousins as it is for me but it did have me feeling all fuzzy inside...lol.