I just read through some of your old entries... the few I can still find and have access to. I remember long conversations, hopes and dreams, plans made... and now, almost four years later, nothing ever came to fruition. Its all my fault, of course. I had multiple opportunities, multitude of chances, and even the money on quite a few occasions... but I never took that step. I let myself go and in doing so, a fear gripped me so hard that I started doubting everything about myself. I starting loathing myself ever time I looked in the mirror. I became scared, thinking that when I eventually got out there to you, you would be disappointed... I can't help it, self esteem has never been my strong point.
I still care about you. I haven't heard from you in four months... I don't blame you if you gave up, even though you told me you wouldn't... I just wished that you would at least tell me directly if you have. I told you a long time ago that if happiness fell into your lap that was closer to you than I was, then go for it, but let me know... We made that promise of being honest.
I don't know whether I should try to get over you... I don't even know if I want to... I miss you, angel...
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