i'm ready when you are...

12/18/2008

n o f a l s e s t a r t s ; ;div>

Another game of charades
Don't you know everybody plays
I don't want to lose to you that way
Maybe we'll be different this time around
Maybe we'll be different I don't know
Don't want to strangle this, so I'm holding back for now

i hate this.
i always screw everything up.
i pretty much suck at life.
and all the things that come along with it.
had this guy...
thought he was gonna be an alright choice.
shouldve known better.
hes 23 years old.
and lives with his parents still.
whatinthehellwasithinking?!

You never tell me how you feel and your moods they always change
I really tried to make it real but you never had the faith
I tried to give you something good to take the pain away
I tried to make you understand You don't have to be this way

and then theres matt
he called me at 12:30 last night.
it hurt me to hear his voice.
i almost wanted to hang up on him, but i couldnt do it.
i wanted to so bad, with everything i am, but something just...
wouldnt let me.
ilovehim
i really do.
thats what hurts more than anything.
cause i wonder what he wants.
"i love you. i really miss you."
"will you go to court with me on the 23rd?"
"will you come see me tonight?"
"will you come see me tomorrow?"
"what about friday? we can spend all day together."

all these things he keeps telling me and asking me.
i dont know what to do with myself..
im not only frustrated, but im hurt, confused, annoyed.
i want it all to be over.
i know time can heal scars, but seriously...
how fucking long is it going to take for me??
i want to be done.
i try always.
but i cant.
i need some kind of closure.
pssh.
yah.
fuckmylife

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