so, i called the jail and asked when the arraignment is...
all they could tell me was that it was tomorrow. they couldnt tell me what time it was or what my mom was being charged with. which i mean, im glad to hear that she is being arraigned tomorrow, cause if what everyone says is true, she will get out tomorrow. i have to call the jail tomorrow morning at 8:30 to see what time court is for her. all i have to say is im crossing my fingers to hope like hell that she gets out tomorrow. i dont really know if i could live another day without my mom. i miss her and its only been two days.
man. i really miss my mom. i cant believe she actually went to jail. that sucks. now, both of my parents have been to jail for drinking and driving. that sucks ass. now, im gonna have a bad rep. because of what they've done. i dont need that shit. i leave for bootcamp in like...95 days. thats only like...three months. what the fuck. im so stressed out. i cant stop thinking about being able to see my mom.
there is this song, by backstreet boys..its called i need you tonight. and it kinda really reminds me of the way im feeling about my moms situation. cause as much as i love not living with her, i still need her. i mean, for crying out loud, she is my mom. everytime my dad fucked up, if my aunt lynnette wasnt the first one there, my mom was. ive lived with my mom since the divorce.
i really dont think anyone knows what im going through. everyone says just think, it could be worse. you could be planning a funeral. i dont want to think that shit though. cause that would make me sad.
my mom and i have gotten so close over the last few months that it almost makes me want to do something bad so i can be there with her, but i know i cant do that cause it will fuck up my future. ive been so tempted to do something stupid for the last 24 hours....like..god. it sucks. a girl needs her mom...not matter how old or young she is, she still needs her mom.
what hurts me the most is the fact that i didnt get to say good-bye to her...when my dad went to jail on the second of january, i got to see him before he went to jail. i got to hug him and tell him i loved him. when i found out about my mom, i was on my way home from cadillac. i didnt make it there in time to tell her those things and im WAYY closer to my mom than i am my dad. thats what hurts.
i dont even care like...the thing that made me cry was the fact that i havent gotten to talk to her at all. i talked to my dad as he was getting put in the cop car and plus he called that night. with my mom, i didnt get to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay, i didnt get to talk to her that night on the phone, i didnt get to do anything. and i know for a fact that she is tripping out cause she has never been to jail before...i mean hell, she has never even had a traffic ticket. anything. my mom is a good person. she really is. and i mean, in a sense, she did need this cause she needed a wake up call, but in the same respect, she is a good person. she would do anything for anyone at anytime.
i feel like im rambling on about the same thing over and over, but i cant stop thinking about it. i cried all day today. i would be fine [i didnt cry] until someone asked me if i was okay. then i just broke down. it was almost like i couldnt controll myself. it was a feeling i have never felt before. i feel...incomplete without my mom just a phone call away.
its almost like i took her for granted. which, i think is exactly the case. i always thought, well, my mom is a pro. she drove for many years without a lisence and never got caught, she'll be just fine.
the one night when i couldnt be there for her, was the night when almost the worst case scenario happened. and its like...no one has the money right now to bail her out. the economy is shit. my dads check this week [for construction] was only seventy bucks.
speaking of my dad, hes such a sweet-heart. i called him earlier and he said that if he would have made some more money, he would have helped my mom out anyway he could. and they have been divorced for like....7 years or so. he still loves her and she still loves him. i know it.
my aunt seems to think they are gonna get back together...i dont know if it will happen, but i can say that i dont think its a good thing if it does happen. my dad is an alcoholic and a druggy. my mom doesnt need that shit. she was just starting to get her life back on track. then this shit happens.
man.oh.man.
my life just seems to get more and more complicated as each day passes. im sure there are people out there who experience worse stuff than me, but to an eighteen year old, this is a lot to deal with. especially with prom and graduation coming up at a fast rate. not to mention, this will be the first year that i wasnt with my mom on her birthday. that really hurts her. i can tell. it probably hurts me about the same, if not more.
idk. i feel like i keep saying the same thing over and over again so im gonna just leave those of you who are still awake with this;;
dont take your family for granted. anything can happen at any given time...even when you least expect it. and when it does happen, it will hit you like a ton of bricks.
here is my advice for the night...
DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE AND TEXT!!!
bad things are likely to happen.
take it from someone who knows first hand.
im going to hang out with my boyfriend.
love. peace.
-kirstie♥ |
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