Timing

I know that when I write in here, it's mostly complaining. I apologize for that. It just seems that rarely I have anything good to share. This entry is no different.

Bad, bad timing...
Wednesday I went to my doctor to have a consultation with him. To discuss reasons why my IVF might have failed. He explained to me that my ovaries are acting older than my age. That I was probably born with less eggs than a normal, healthy woman. That is probably genetic and there isn't anything they can do about it. The eggs that I do manage to produce will typically be less than ideal quality and it will be a big challenge to get me pregnant. So I take that info and stuff it down inside of me on Wednesday. I cried, of course, and told my husband. He told me "let's not worry about this right now". We still have 2 embryos frozen that they will be implanting in November, he says let's just focus on that. I'm trying to comply, but I can't help but constantly think about it. That was Wednesday.

Thursday, I had late hours at work, 3-7. I went it and started working, my very good friend and co-worker came by to talk with me. She is an amazing person with an amazing heart. I confide in her and she is a great listener. She's much younger than me, but she is definitely one of the most mature people I know. Anyway, just as I start to tell her about my appointment, before I can even get any words out, I look at my phone and see a text from my husband. My sister-in-law is pregnant again. 

I started crying and my friend was asking me what was wrong, I just showed her my phone. She knows about my relationship with my SIL and how bad my husband and I have been wanting to start a family. I told her my story about what the doctor said and how bad this is killing me. 

Let me clarify something. I'm happy for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Its great for them. But it's just AWFUL timing. The day after I learn I may never be able to have a child, someone I can't really stand pops up pregnant. And I can't avoid her, she's part of my family. I'm going to have to watch her go through all of this again. 

I hope I don't sound like I'm being a baby, it's just amazingly frustrating. I just pray for November.