"I'm a half-wit boy. Cracking a smile and wearing it all on my sleeve. So cool, so poised."
I was completely smooth. I was texting one of my long-time friends, and her friend at the same time, and I told her she was a really good friend, and she said "puke" jokingly. and I'm like "No I mean it. there aren't alot of people I can tolerate for 12 minutes. Let alone 12 years." So then her friend texts me and says "Can you tolerate me for 12 minutes?" and I, in my infinite smoothness, say "I'm gonna need alot longer than that, babe." Fuckin epic win. And I got back "that's good  " Score one for the Spider. I don't need a relationship right now. I'm too broken for all that, and I've found jealousy to be quite bad for a relationship. But I do need the thrill of the chase. The attention. the affection. The stroking of the ego. And other things. So long as I don't stop being amused. or amusing.Then, in the words of B.B. King, "The Thrill is Gone." That's exactly what the eff that means. When the new wears off and formalities start getting cast aside, that's where it goes bad. I've perfected the beginning part. It's the long, drawn out middle and the ending that needs work. A dull story with a lame ending, but a captivating prologue. And captivation is the key. That's what its all about right now. It's been so long since I've been captivated by anything but music that I've forgotten what it feels like. When I hear love songs that are really good, like "What it is to burn" or "I Caught Fire", I sing along. But I'm not singing to anyone. I don't imagine myself smashing my guitar and then grabbing the mic and screaming them in someone's face like I do with all the ex girlfriend songs, like "Suffer" by Stone Sour or "The Kill" by 30 Seconds to Mars. Is it wrong that I wanna be a rock star just so that I can scream lyrics at all my ex girlfriends without looking retarded? Because that's what the deal is.
I think it would be funny to finish having sex with someone, roll over on your back, light a cigarette, look them dead in the eye, and say "So are we gonna have a baby know? How does that whole thing work?". The look on their face would be epic enough to take place over Stephen Gammell's artwork as my favorite thing to look at of all time. |
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