A story.
A young boy, of 18 years, meets his mother for the first time, and she can do no wrong in his eyes. He believes every word that comes out of her mouth.
One day she says to him, "She's getting nervous cause you never smoke that shit with us. would you try it one time just to make her feel better?"
"Sure", the boy says. He's determined to please, and because of that people have run over him his entire life. It's his only way of gaining affection.
So the boy smokes meth, and it's a beautiful thing. It corrects every injustice ever done to him, at least for a while. So he does it again. And again. And again. Sleep becomes irrelevant.
One day he goes to tell his mother goodnight.
He leans down to receive a kiss on the cheek like every other night,
the thing that allows him to pretend she really gives a shit after 14 years.
But it takes place on the lips, and there's tongue, seemingly from nowhere.
He returns the kiss, because it's already too late, and because he doesn't care anymore.
At least that's what he tells himself. But he never knows the truth.
Soon there's a hand moving down his pants, and then it loosens them.
His penis isn't erect. He's confused completely, his adrenaline pumps, and he's been up for a week straight tweeking.
Then she sucks his cock. She puts it in her mouth like its nothing, and sucks it.
Already fucked up and in the moment, he gives way completely. He fucks her.
And he fucks her well. He plays with her clit as he fucks her, and puts full effort into it.
When its over, he lays there, smoking a cigarette, wishing for the first time since his initial taste of meth that sleep would come and relieve him of consciousness. But it won't.
The next day, she asks him if he knows of any states where they could marry.
They "date" for a month or two.
It happens again, and he's always consenting.
But the mental strain is too much. He knows if he doesn't get out, he'll die.
Fast forward. it's been 7 years, and they haven't spoken.
One day he checks his myspace to find a message from her wanting to re-establish contact, and he takes the bait.
She makes promises of weed and money, or escape and of nice things. But its always in the back of his mind. He can't look at her meth-rotten teeth without imagining her lips around his cock and it takes every ounce of self control not to grab the nearest sharp object and end his own suffering forever.
He struggles with depression constantly, and he's exiled for it. His friends abandon him, slowly, one by one, until he's alone and hopeless. She's all he has to talk to at times.
But she mentions sex constantly. She drops hints. She alludes at sexual frustration and of not really loving her boyfriend and wanting to leave, and it drives him FUCKING CRAZY. GOD DAMN BAT SHIT INSANE.
But he continues to talk. She's promised money, and he's forced to be broke while awaiting social security approval.
He wants to cut off his penis. He wants to grab sharp things and mutilate the fucking dog piss out of himself.
But at the end of the day, no one really gives a fuck. He's lost. He's another number in the system,
and eventually everyone turns their back on him. Nowhere to go. No one to turn too. He's balls-deep in his own insanity just as he was balls-deep in his own mother.
There are some things you never come back from. EVER.
I don't even care anymore. I don't care if I sound like another mock-suicidal emo kid. You could not POSSIBLY fathom what goes on in my head. Judge if you'd like. I don't give a FUCK anymore.
It had to come out. |
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