First off, two really good quotes.
"I just hope when I cast my spell you'll be falling for me,
Because
Falling in love could be the first thing.
Falling in love could be the worst thing.
There's no rehearsing.
Retarded in love."
Fuck yes. Next one...
"I remember it vividly, love.
I'd been walking erect since the moment we met.
And I caught your eye
to my surprise.
Hebraic neurosis ceased to be.
An angel's conversing with me.
The new attractive to me is divine."
Random facts.
First and foremost, Lilith is gone. No, I do not want to discuss it. I'm going to push it out of my mind and continue.
Second- An update on the psychotic ex situation. No more comments on facebook. Largely because I made that very difficult. She texted me, making the oh-so-anticipated, aforementioned small penis and horrible bedroom skills comments. I told you so. Come on girls. You've done it so much that people have caught on and stopped believing it. Never has a phrase left the lips of a spiteful woman so often. It's just kinda gay, and way overblown. Like Justin Beber, or Hannah Montana. So, I just told her to shut her fucking jew mouth, stop acting like a fuckin 7 year old, and either confess that she still loves me or shut the fuck up.
She did the former, sort of. Her exact wording was, "well, i thought I did, but I can't see myself loving someone after they told me my mouth had permanently formed itself around a penis." I swear to pot (that was a Freudian slip that I decided to just go with).
That belongs in the text message fucking hall of fame. So I say,
"LMAO! You're a fucking idiot. You got fuckin owned on that one, princess. Okay. Good. Cause if you said "I still love you" that was gonna be pretty fuckin awkward for me, partly because its like a bag of ass blew up inside your mouth, and I'm kinda big on making out. Now. Seriously, can you just go away?"
She says...to me.... in response to THAT.....
"I can't help it, Aaron. I still do love you and it isn't by choice. I wish you wouldn't be so mean to me, when I love you so much."
At this point, I do the only thing I can think to do.
"Really? We're just gonna suck a couple of dicks behind our boyfriend's back, Leave him stranded once in Washington, and again in Cal-fucking-fornia, Insult him in every way possible and then confess our undying love and plead mercy? That's what we're doing now? Let me reiterate. You are a fucking idiot, and I would gladly exchange my male parts for female parts JUST to punch you in the fucking face right now. Leave me alone. You are most definitely a whore."
Silence. Success. So far. We'll see how the night goes. I've got my money on like 4 am though. No fucking boundaries, man.
Third. For the first time in my life tonight, I saw the pants on the ground video everyone has been "raving" about. I was expecting...I don't know. Something more random or obnoxious. Instead, I simply did the People's Eyebrow (who remembers that?), said.. "what the fuck." and then went on about my business, after granting it a small chuckle. like maybe four or five Ha's. with the first or last one elongated slightly, "like Oh, ha,ha,ha,ha,haa." The quotation marks are there both because its a sound, and because coincidentally, by sheer accident, its a line from one of my favorite songs. that's why they cover the word "like" also. Okay that time they were just normal quotation marks.
Fourth, You know who can eat a sack of baby dicks? Whoever invented spandex for males. Come on, guys. As small as it may be according to conveniently only the girls you pissed off (I made a funny.), It is STILL visible in spandex. If I wanted to know if your penis was larger or smaller than mine, I'd stand next to you at a urinal and secretly peek. So therefore, vicariously, I am not curious about the size of your penis. I mean, you might as well walk up to everyone in sight and say "9 1/16 inches. Balls are a little small, though." (No, that isn't mine. I do not claim that. It was simply a randomly generated generic measurement.) But for real. Let's stop showing our packages to everyone. We are not UPS. Nor do we want to snap into your 60-year-old Slim Jim. We'll leave that to your 20 year old wife who's out with her boyfriend in your ferrari right now. And look at you. Your ass is walkin, motherfucker. You ain't gettin no exercise. You're just trying to play it off, cause you don't want anybody to know you got Vag-conned out of your Ferrari. Have some damn self-respect.
"And that's why I'm a humanist." |
Loading...
You are hilarious!
That's hilarious. 
