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Humanity's last hope's Diary
by Humanity's last hope

previous entry: She laced her perfume up with death. I feel it in my lungs. So I'll pull in the deepest breath, and drop my head.

next entry: Just get dressed. Don't do this.

I believe there is something here to be learned of grace.

03/11/2010

"Separately/Together"

One man stands
Alone with is influences
what you MADE me.
"Why doesn't he ever come out of his room?"
Because quiet children are safe children.
I fear all parents. Deeply. Because of you.
Yeah, I remember.
Had to go to church every Sunday
School Wednesday through Friday if I wasn't suspended.
And the child came out away from you.
Lucky you were there to beat it back down inside when I got home.
Standing there crying in the clothes you made me wear.
If I tell the truth I'll face the consequences.
So I'll lie. About EVERYTHING.
Until i get older. Then I'll use these lies only as weapons and saviors.

How easy it was to just throw me.
I was so small.
Just a half-hearted blow to the face or chest and I'd fly
You felt so powerful. Absolute.
Like when I watched you choked the only child you DID care about.
Until the next one came.
I was so small.
So intimidated. So afraid.
Just grab me by my clothes and sail me into the bathroom
Or the closet door we broke.
Yes, I'm taking responsibility. Try new things.
Oh but the hugs and tears after made it easier, right?
Just like HER.
I felt tears run down my swollen eye sockets.
I felt you shake as you hugged me and said sorry
But you just felt sorry for yourself.
Can't ask you anything if your team loses.
Always with the yelling
Your voice froze me in place even when you were screaming at the dog or the TV.

SO hateful
SO monstrous.
I've taken a part of you into myself
To use against you.
To engage you.
To destroy you.
Stake-through-the-heart
And so you've done it again.
You, and HER...you took something from me.
I don't like to eat in public.
I'm never too loud.
I apologize and ask permission for everything.

Just the way you liked me.
Out of FEAR
Fear of YOU.
You've returned to take things from me.
The wrath...the fear that made us afraid to SPEAK when you were in a bad mood...
It was really something. Something to be afraid of.
Now feel THIS.
Oh, I've been keeping this monster at bay with promises of the taste of BOTH of you.
I'll stick this blade in you so many times and embrace you as you fall to the ground.
I love you
"Dad"
I think you've driven me back to her...
Ironic because your fates are mirrored with reflections of the child you broke.
Separately. Together.

previous entry: She laced her perfume up with death. I feel it in my lungs. So I'll pull in the deepest breath, and drop my head.

next entry: Just get dressed. Don't do this.

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