Story follows poem.
"Leah."
Your lips have led
my tongue astray.
Your throat felt like heaven
As you sucked my conscience away
And now we've come so far alone without a crutch
I operate beautifully in your absence.
Without your tragic clutch
Without your tears of absynthe
Intoxicating my psyche
Convincing it that it needs you.
Your heart still makes music,
but it's just something to bleed to.
The kind that plays in hell's elevators
Just relax while you're burning.
I'm holding back the apocalypse
and my behavior is concerning?
Breathe deep. Throat is warm, like your vagina and sand.
Buried balls-deep in self-righteousness. Just do what you can.
You were jesus.
Never saw you but convinced myself you were there.
And then I held out my hand, loaded my shotgun in despair
You both left me to my misery
with a finger and a smile
Took the shotgun from my hand
and murdered my inner child.
You're like a defective repairman.
A clean blanket to sin on.
Well fuck you, sweetheart,
And the hearse you rode in on.
We all have "that person". The one that took such a huge part of us that we can never get it back. Like in my case, it usually involves the one that took our virginity. We didn't speak for years. She was such a mystery to me and occupied so much of my heart and mind that I deified her somehow. Then, the day before yesterday, I was hanging out with her sister for the first time in years. She called, and you know how you can hear someone on the other end of the phone if the speaker is up really loud? Yep. Heard her voice, and initially it tore me apart. Still. After all this time. But. After a second, I regained my senses, and I think it was hearing her just have a casual conversation that did it, but suddenly she was stripped of the mystical, and revealed for just a human. A human that I will not allow that kind of power over me any longer. So. It's been coming for years. We've been messaging on facebook, but it's been awkward, so I decided it was time to talk about things. So I told her how I felt, that I had spent way too much time and energy holding out hope of something that not only never would be, but never SHOULD be, and that while I don't wanna say bury the past because the past made me the man I am today, the man that I'm proud of even when no one else is,but as far as certain...ethics?...the past is the past, and my aim is only to move forward. I felt incredibly accomplished. And now, I honestly know in my heart if she said she wanted me back to day I could look her in the eye and tell her to go fuck herself. |
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